Lauryn Lavelle - Eating Disorder, Powerlifting, Motherhood & Hard Work - Episode #73

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What's up friends, Welcome back
to Ruden Wisconsin.

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Appreciate you for clicking
another episode.

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Always grateful to have you
here.

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Today's episode is with Lauren
Lavelle.

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Fascinating conversation.
We talked about her very

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successful powerlifting career
where she set some records,

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accomplished some awesome goals,
and the journey to that was

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fascinating.
Her father was kind of the

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conduit to powerlifting, but the
foundation was rooted in her

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experiencing and dealing with
anorexia in her younger years of

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life and kind of working through
that process in a way that had

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her put control in different
places.

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So we talked about control, we
talked about experiences that

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lived within both of those
things, and then a whole lot

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more.
We talked about her journey of

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motherhood where she's currently
8 months pregnant with her

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second child and has a young
kiddo running around at home and

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how her view on working out has
transitioned into working out to

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be a successful mom and carrying
kids and and groceries and

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everything that comes with that.
Great conversation.

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Excited to share with you.
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Let's dive into it with Lauren

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Lavelle.
As

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let's get to mooch off of like
all of the wives cravings.

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You know, my husband always
jokes like I'm going to put on

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1520 lbs just in your last
trimester because all I want is

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like concrete mixers and things
like that.

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He's like, I'm OK with it
because like when I'm not

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pregnant, I'm well, I'm always
very much about like health and

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fitness, but I tend to lean into
the season a little bit more,

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you know, be more gracious of
myself during that time.

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So when I'm not pregnant, he's
like, man, I missed the nights

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that we were just like, they're
just sit on the couch and just

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smash a pint of Ben and Jerry's
and that we're not doing that

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anymore.
I'm like, well, it's just

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different now.
The whole eating for two thing.

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Like it's a thing, but it's not
a thing, you know, And that's

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that's a whole.
That's a whole thing.

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But.
When when you get so far along,

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there's just like anatomically,
there's no room.

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Anymore, right?
No, there's really not.

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I just kind of, I don't know, I
really lean into trying to

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listen to my body during this
time and it's taught me a lot.

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Are we recording right now?
Is this like?

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Is this it or?
Oh yeah, he probably pushed the

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button.
Just bring the mic a little bit

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closer to you if you.
Can yeah, OK, OK yeah, I don't

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know.
Pregnancy has taught me like

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just how to be at peace with my
body and everything that it's

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that that it's done for me.
My background through, I would

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say 8 years old, it started and
I struggled very deeply till I

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mean, I still struggle, but
suffered with a really, really

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bad eating disorder, anorexia
God, for most of my youth.

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Like anything before 8 years
old, like I don't remember it

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not being about my body or diet
culture or I mean, it's just

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instilled in everybody so young.
And I think we've come a really

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long way as a society too, just
with like the, the diet culture,

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it's, it's shifted in some ways
good, in some ways not, you

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know, now we have all of the,
the GLP ones and all of like, I

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was going to say it lost stuff.
And that's.

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That's almost reinvigorating.
It really, it really is like I

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feel like we had a really good
point in society where like it

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was all about love yourself and
body acceptance.

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And during that time I'm like,
man, I really wish that I had

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this when I was growing up
because when I was growing up,

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like I'm 128 and when I was
growing up, it was like that

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Tumblr, Pinterest, then Spo.
It was very like fatty with

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diets, you know, like it was
just every short term thing.

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And I feel like we kind of got
away from that as a society,

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like as just we've evolved.
But now again, I feel like we're

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kind of falling back into that
trap a little bit.

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But going back to the whole
pregnancy thing, having been

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through like what I've been
through, it's, it's challenging,

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you know, seeing your body
change and so many different

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ways that is just out of your
control.

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But I've I've come a long way to
just be OK with it and let go of

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that control a little bit but.
What were some things that

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helped you do that?
What were some things that

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helped you navigate that
dichotomy of like what you see

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versus what you expect versus
what you came out of and or try

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it, you know, work on with the.
Eating disorder.

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What are some of the things that
help?

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I think I had to hit rock bottom
in order to get there.

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In 2012, I was 89 lbs.
I was admitted to Children's

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Hospital and I was in treatment
for a month or so.

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Like I was like feeding tube
like the lowest of the lows,

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like the.
Body starting to shut.

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Down.
Oh definitely, yeah.

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I mean, I you'll look back and
see pictures and you're like,

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you don't, I don't even know
like.

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And that was in 2021, you said?
201202012 yeah, so I was 15

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freshman year of high school and
that's that's just a hard time

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for anybody, you know, you're
going through such big changes

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and unfortunately bullying got
the best of me and that was just

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kind of my vice.
But it was it was just the thing

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that I used to cope, right.
Like it's no different than

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drugs or alcohol.
Like that's not really the

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problem.
The problem is within, you know.

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Yes and that was just my drug of
choice.

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So that was my rock bottom and
it, it, it was my rock bottom,

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but it also was kind of a forced
rock bottom because if I

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wouldn't have hit that point, I
honestly probably would have

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kept going.
Like just because I was in such

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denial.
It was almost like an episode of

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intervention.
Like it just kind of, it had to

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happen.
But I, I kind of had a, a

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realization during that time.
I, this is going to sound really

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weird, but I had a dream the
night before I was admitted that

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I died.
And the next day I was admitted

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and it was like, I will never, I
always said, said to myself,

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like, I'll never be that sick or
I'll never get to that point.

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And then the next day, you know,
like it's obviously wasn't

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something that happened
overnight.

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It was years and years and
years.

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But the next day that it
happened was just ironic.

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And I think was a higher power
just kind of telling me to wake

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up a little bit, you know, So I
fully accepted what I was about

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to dive into and it was mental
health help around here is not

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great.
You know, I was down in

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Milwaukee, but even down there,
they were just mostly focused on

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getting me back to being
medically stable enough to do

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things on my own again.
But then from there, I went to

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an inpatient treatment center
and I was there for a couple of

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weeks.
But again, it was mostly like

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medical stabilization.
And then you reach your goal

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weight and they kind of send you
on your way and it's kind of

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like they think that the
problem's fixed when you are at

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a healthy weight according to
the the BMI scale, you know, and

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I went home and I didn't.
And there was no hand off to

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like a different type of
specialty or.

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Not when you're dealing with
insurance.

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It's it was, we were just kind
of left with, with nothing.

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And my, now that I'm a parent,
I, I can't imagine how my mom

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and dad felt and everything that
they went through during that

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time and just going home with
this vicious disease, disease

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and not knowing.
I mean, they've not that they

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didn't intervene during all of
the years of my struggles.

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But like, you know, you can't
help somebody who doesn't want

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to be helped.
Despite how young I was, I would

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find a way.
I would find a way to get to my

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vice, to get what I wanted, you
know, even if I was 11 years

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old, it didn't matter, you know?
But yeah, I went home and there

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was just, there was no options
for me.

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So it was a lot of this for many
years.

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I would find something that
would make me feel better, but I

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still think it was kind of like
a cover up.

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Like I would still, I was still
using it to control my food and

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my exercise in a certain way.
So it was kind of like just a

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fake recovery.
I would say I was recovered, but

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then I would gain weight and
then I, it would just push me

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over the edge, you know?
So it was like it was a wave

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like that for a long time until
so 2016, so about four years

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back at home, just kind of in
and out of that vicious cycle.

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And my dad, who he used to be a
bodybuilder back in his day,

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always big into health and
fitness and all of that.

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So it's kind of hard for him.
I can imagine, you know, what I

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seeing on the sidelines that I'm
using what he's so passionate

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about in a really destructive
way.

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So it was just a really fine
line, but I was in high school

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and he's like, why don't we back
off from the cardio and let's go

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into the weight room?
And I'm like, OK, you know, I'll

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try it.
And he took me in there and one

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time around and I'm like this, I
think this is for me, you know,

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like, it's just something in me
shifted because it wasn't about

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how many calories I was burning
in the weight room in order to

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be good at it.
It's not about what you look

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like in order to be successful
with, with strength training,

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you know, it's, it's what's on
the inside that counts.

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And I think that was just kind
of like a, a pivotal moment for

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me.
And I just kind of started

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obsessing about it in not a bad
way, but just I'm like, what,

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what is this?
I want to learn more.

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I want to do more with it.
And he took me to like a, a

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powerlifting seminar down in
Milwaukee.

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And he's like, I just want you
to like just see what this is

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about.
And he's, I can tell now as a

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parent, he was just trying to
redirect me onto a different

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path, you know, and went down to
a seminar and that was it.

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I was like, that's what I want
to do.

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I, I've never been like put
myself out there, competitive

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person like in school, very shy,
very withdrawn, obviously with

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things that I went through.
So having something like that

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and that was an outlet like that
for me was really, really

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freeing and confidence building.
And it healed my relationship

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with my body and food in ways
that I will never be able to to

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describe.
I mean, it was if you don't eat

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enough, I won't get to do the
things that I want to do.

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And I was continually setting
very high goals for myself, but

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I wasn't getting there because I
was still teetering on the edge

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of I had this body that I wanted
to maintain this unhealthy level

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of leanness.
But as I was continuing to push

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my body in the gym and do all
these powerlifting things, I was

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continually getting hurt because
I still hadn't found that fine

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line of being nutritionally
balanced.

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And then, you know, the gym and
it just, it was again, many

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years in the same thing, kind of
the the rocking the boat just

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back and forth and I continued
on.

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I loved it.
I kind of just let my body go

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in, in a sense where my mind.
It.

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It's so, it's so hard to
describe.

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Like my mind almost didn't get a
choice, like because I just,

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this is what I wanted.
I wanted, I set these goals for

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myself and I wanted to get to
those goals, but I knew I had to

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let go of control in some sense
to get to those goals.

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And over the course of, I don't
know, 678 years, I gradually

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gained weight back into a, a
safe zone.

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And it just, yeah, it.
I don't even know how to

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describe it.
I'm sorry.

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I'm so like, I'm worried
vomiting right now.

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I'm just trying to like make
sense of it.

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Good.
There's so much in that there's,

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there's so much.
Oh, yeah.

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I mean it just, and I, I, when I
do something, I do it fully,

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00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,800
like I don't half ass anything.
I don't know if we're allowed to

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00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,120
smear.
OK, I don't half ass anything.

223
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,440
When I want something, I'm going
to go for it.

224
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,240
And if I say I'm going to do it,
I'm going to do it.

225
00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:52,120
And I do think that's also still
part of my eating disorder past

226
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:55,840
with the control and those
behavioral tendencies still

227
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,760
bleeds into like my adult life,
which is a blessing and a curse.

228
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,160
Like I'm a very dedicated person
and determined and I'll do

229
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,440
whatever I want to do.
But you know, blessing and a

230
00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:09,640
curse.
And yeah, I, I mean, I set those

231
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,240
goals for myself.
And I think I went to nationals

232
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:16,000
in 2019 for the first time in
20/20/18.

233
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:21,160
And then I went every year sense
up until 2023 when I got

234
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:25,480
pregnant and not to toot my own
horn, but I three time national

235
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:29,080
champion.
I wanted an American record, got

236
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,520
an American record in 2023
twice, and it was just.

237
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,480
What was it?
What was the record?

238
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:39,680
It was a 511 LB deadlift in the
76K weight class.

239
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,960
So it was.
And it was a record that stood

240
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:46,080
for 23 years, I think, before it
was.

241
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,720
Yeah, I'm broken.
Yeah, Yeah.

242
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,000
So it was.
That was a big deal for me.

243
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,160
And that didn't come like just
by myself.

244
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,480
I had an amazing coach for many
years.

245
00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:59,400
And I mean, I would go all over
the country for these meats, for

246
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:03,960
training it.
It almost was something else for

247
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,480
me to cling on to, like
obsessively a little bit, you

248
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:07,880
know what?
But in a healthy way.

249
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,040
In a healthy way, Yeah,
absolutely.

250
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:14,400
But I, I wouldn't have done any
of that without my dad, without

251
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:18,560
the coach that I found.
And I just, I discovered so much

252
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:23,640
about myself in that time and
it, it became my identity a

253
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,280
little bit.
I think with any athlete, when

254
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:30,320
you're so evolved in a sport, it
just kind of, it's who you are,

255
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:31,880
you know?
So there were things along the

256
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:36,720
way that really rocked me and
had me kind of sit back and

257
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:40,400
refocus on my recovery.
I tore my hip in 2019 and I had

258
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,200
to just completely step away for
about 9 months.

259
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:47,280
And that was, that was hard.
I mean, you, that was my vice.

260
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,480
Powerlifting was not my vice.
I was.

261
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,720
Going to say and then you're at
risk of reverting back to.

262
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,480
And that's exactly what
happened.

263
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:56,160
I mean, it, it was that was a
relapse time for me because I

264
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:59,520
didn't have that vice.
But near the end of that time,

265
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,520
did I still go back and compete
nine months later at National?

266
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,000
Yes, I did.
So I'll do anything that I set

267
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,720
my mind to.
But it was I wasn't in the right

268
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:11,360
headspace still at that time.
But even during those struggles,

269
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:15,520
I still put the tools in my
toolbox for future use to be

270
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:18,240
able to not go back to those
points.

271
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:23,080
I mean, I'm, I haven't relapsed
at all since that time.

272
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:26,880
So it's everything that I've
gone through and learned and

273
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:31,600
stuck in that toolbox, as I like
to call it, just has brought me

274
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:35,360
here, you know, and I, and I
don't regret not, I don't regret

275
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:39,560
leaving treatment and not having
any extra help because I think

276
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,440
that everything, everything
happens for a reason.

277
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,640
I, I truly believe that.
And it, it wound me up right

278
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,360
here.
And if I didn't have my

279
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,880
daughter, I'd probably still be
powerlifting.

280
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:55,280
But things happened and
priorities changed and it was a

281
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,720
whole different shift for me.
So I mean, it's, there's a lot

282
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:04,560
that's packed into my athletic
journey and how it had was woven

283
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,960
into my mental health struggles.
I mean, I don't even know how to

284
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:12,160
like like weave it all together
because it was just a lot for

285
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,240
many, many years.
But it's it's a part of me.

286
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,080
You know, it always will be a
part of me.

287
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,760
I can't sit here and honestly
tell you that I won't look at a

288
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,680
piece of pizza the same way
again.

289
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,920
Like my brain just, it doesn't
like shut off like that, you

290
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:29,680
know, like, I think especially
in society, like people use it

291
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,440
really loosely, like a, like an
anorexic term.

292
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,240
Like it's just like a flip of a
switch.

293
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,840
Like you can just turn it on and
turn it off.

294
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,440
Like one day you're not and one
day you're the next.

295
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:41,320
But it's, it's something that I
will forever struggle with in

296
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:44,640
some capacity, you know, like.
In a real way, I mean, that

297
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:48,280
happens with so many things.
Like how many times did every

298
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,880
week do you hear somebody say,
Oh, I have ADD, you know, and

299
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:55,400
then it could be like this, but
it's like, OK, do you and you

300
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:59,760
know it it You know, I get why
we get to the places of verbing

301
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:04,400
those things, but also there's
this contrast between like, OK,

302
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,920
there is still a difference,
right?

303
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,599
Sure, you can't pay attention
for a couple minutes or like you

304
00:17:09,599 --> 00:17:12,440
might not eat for a day because
you had a big day of eating

305
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:16,040
yesterday or something.
But there's like, you know, it's

306
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,680
something that you're going to
deal with for life compared to

307
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,040
somebody that ingests, says it
in a.

308
00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:23,200
Past and you and you can pick up
on it too.

309
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:27,319
Like I, I, I know, like when I
look at somebody and I kind of,

310
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,120
I'm in a different spot than
they might be, but I see their

311
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:32,480
behavior patterns and I can just
tell that.

312
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:33,600
Oh, I see.
What?

313
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,920
You're, you know, like they're
not, they're not screaming it

314
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,720
from the rooftops.
But having been through those

315
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,960
same patterns myself, like now
I'm on the other side of it.

316
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:46,360
They don't see what it really
looks like, you know, like, I

317
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:49,040
truly believe that.
Like these things were my

318
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:55,600
reality and these tendencies and
like regimens that I kept up,

319
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,640
like they were not obsessive in
my eyes.

320
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,920
But now that I'm on the other
side of it, when I can, I can

321
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:05,560
see it from other people, you
know, and it's just it, it's

322
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,720
really a, it's a perspective
chef for sure.

323
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,600
Absolutely.
Probably a perspective that's

324
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,320
valuable in certain instances
once you kind of come out the

325
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:19,360
other side some, right, Because
then we always look at other

326
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,680
people through a different lens
that we look at ourselves

327
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,800
through.
I think it's human nature to

328
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:28,040
look at ourselves mostly through
a self critical eye, whereas,

329
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,760
you know, sometimes there's
people that look at others

330
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,800
through a critical eye too.
But for the most part I think we

331
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:37,880
look more favorably upon others
and give others more grace when

332
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,240
we don't give ourselves any.
It's actually kind of the.

333
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,200
Opposite a lot of time.
We are our biggest enemy all the

334
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,160
time and especially when you
become a parent like it just

335
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,600
that really shifted for me too.
Like, I'll be damned if I ever

336
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:53,040
let my daughter, not that my mom
like let me, but like there's

337
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,640
different things that I'm aware
of now that weren't a thing when

338
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,080
I was growing up that I'm aware
of now.

339
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,520
You know, like just being so
careful even at such a young age

340
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:07,880
with your choice of words around
food and just trying to make as

341
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:11,160
much conscious efforts and
decisions as I can to not have

342
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:16,160
her go down that same path.
You know, it's how I treat

343
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,200
myself.
My form of self-care is how I

344
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:23,240
represent myself as a mom.
I always say that like being

345
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:27,840
selfish is not not being
selfless is not selfish.

346
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:32,760
I always put myself first,
regardless of as if I can't show

347
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:36,120
up as a good mom, vice versa,
how can I show up good for

348
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,840
myself?
You know, like it's I got to

349
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,560
take care of myself in order to
take care of other people too.

350
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:44,680
So that's, that's been a huge
changing point too as a mom,

351
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,920
just with everything that I've
gone through put into

352
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,360
perspective when you become a
parent, it just you look at life

353
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:52,040
differently.
Oh, so much.

354
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,440
I was going to say in a couple
months you can double the duty.

355
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,040
I know, I know, I know.
I don't know if I'm ready for

356
00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:01,280
it.
So what I'm assuming that first

357
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,400
pregnancy probably brought about
some interesting thoughts and

358
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,040
conversations with yourself,
right?

359
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:06,960
How did?
How did that?

360
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:10,800
Go Yeah, That was, I mean,
pregnancy's wild because

361
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,920
everybody's different.
Everybody is different, and

362
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,320
genetics play a role.
But you can't.

363
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,400
Your body's going to do what it
wants to do.

364
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,080
And for so many years of my
life, I was in a season of

365
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,800
control, you know, obsessively
controlling every little element

366
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:29,240
that I could to maintain this
number on the scale, this level

367
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,880
of leanness and seeing my body
change.

368
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:38,960
Was it almost reopened the book
of recovery for me and it tapped

369
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,800
into different places that I
obviously wouldn't have tapped

370
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,640
into as a younger girl, right?
Like I'm not I wasn't going

371
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:49,480
through pregnancy at a young
age, but it was just it it was

372
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,960
very eye opening, but it also
healed me in ways that I didn't

373
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:57,640
think I would ever heal in.
I let go of calorie counting.

374
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:02,040
I let go of all of that just
because I, no matter what I was

375
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,760
doing, my body was going to gain
weight anyways.

376
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,680
You know, I just, I just kind
of, I let it be.

377
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,200
And of course, I still weighed
myself throughout the process

378
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:15,320
and obsessed about it in some
capacity because that's just my

379
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,080
nature.
And I think that weight gain and

380
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:21,480
pregnancy is really construed
too, especially with like

381
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,720
typical medical practices.
I mean, the first thing you do

382
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,440
when you go to your OB
appointment, what do they have

383
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:31,400
you do step on the scale And
that's somehow the dictation of

384
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,560
whether you're not you're having
a healthy pregnancy or not, you

385
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:37,800
know, but so like this time
around, we've taken a completely

386
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,120
different route and having a
home birth, we're going through

387
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:43,560
midwives and I have not once
stepped on the scale.

388
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,920
They don't have scales at their
office.

389
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,320
And I'm like, wait, you guys
like you don't weigh me.

390
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,240
She's like, I do not care about
your relationship with gravity.

391
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,360
Like it doesn't, it doesn't, you
know, it doesn't, it doesn't, it

392
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,640
doesn't matter.
And it was kind of eye opening

393
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:03,680
for me at the end after I had my
daughter and I stepped back on

394
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:08,200
the scale and I maybe two days
later, I was lighter than I ever

395
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:09,400
was.
Like pre pregnancy.

396
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:13,120
Like it just how how your body
always knows more than you do.

397
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:16,200
I almost needed that like as a
reassurance thing.

398
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,280
Like, wow, yeah, my body is
actually smarter than my mind.

399
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,240
Like it?
You don't know what it's doing

400
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,440
you.
Know what's super interesting

401
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:27,920
about that is a lot of like from
earlier when you were describing

402
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,560
I was picturing like a transfer
of control, right.

403
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,720
You control one thing to control
another thing, but something

404
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,920
like that can open your eyes to
say, wait a second, I don't

405
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,640
control everything.
This this happened regardless of

406
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:46,920
me, almost in spite of me.
And that probably is freeing in

407
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,840
a lot of ways.
That's unbind some.

408
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:53,400
Yeah, yeah, it really, I mean,
it really transformed my mind,

409
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,000
especially into that postpartum
era.

410
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,760
And as I entered this next
pregnancy phase two, I've, I've,

411
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,160
I look at it completely
different.

412
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,280
I don't live in fear all the
time, you know, I know my body's

413
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,440
going to do what it needs to do.
And there's so many things that

414
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:10,120
I can control, and I will always
do what I can to control those

415
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:14,680
things and just listen to it
because I just go back to that

416
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:18,360
point where I know that it's
going to unfold the way it was

417
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:21,200
supposed to unfold.
You know, So having that moment

418
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,920
of when I stepped on the scale
and even and even though say I

419
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:28,600
stepped on the scale and it
didn't change, like how would I

420
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,400
have viewed myself then?
You know what, it might, I might

421
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,880
be saying something different.
Yeah.

422
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,480
Yeah.
But it just really taught me to

423
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:41,120
actually trust my body for once
in my life because even though I

424
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:43,440
say powerlifting healed me, it
did heal me.

425
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:48,400
It was still a vice.
I still had to control my weight

426
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,120
in certain aspects.
I mean, especially when I was

427
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:55,080
competing at the very high like
national level weight classes

428
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:59,920
were the make it or break it.
I mean, that was in 2023.

429
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:03,680
I weighed in .1 kilos lighter
than my competitor.

430
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:07,720
We totaled the same amount at
the end of the meet, but because

431
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:12,680
I weighed in like .1 kilos
lighter than her, I won.

432
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:20,640
So weight was also my tiebreaker
in certain scenarios and that's

433
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,440
it's a weird.
Interesting.

434
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:26,240
Even with so, even within the
range of a weight class, the

435
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,480
tiebreaker was that you were
just a little bit lighter.

436
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,640
Yep.
So in USA powerlifting, they, I

437
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,040
mean, I haven't been in it in a
couple years now.

438
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:35,320
They've they change it all the
time.

439
00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:39,640
There's a formula that you use
called the DOTS formula and it's

440
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:43,560
a coefficient formula with your
body weight and X amount of

441
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,720
pounds you lift.
So the lighter you weigh, the

442
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,960
more you lift, the higher dots
score you have.

443
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:55,800
So you can see how that can also
be, I mean, triggering in some

444
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:59,560
aspects, because there's also a
really fine line where you know

445
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:03,000
you have to eat enough to
perform well enough to lift X

446
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,920
pounds, but that can be your
slight competitive.

447
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,280
Weighs 1/3 of a pound.
Too, Yeah, Yeah.

448
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,360
And I went through some gnarly
water cuts.

449
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:17,400
I mean, I, I did, I did whatever
I had to do to always be under.

450
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,520
And it was very strategic with
coaches about how to get there.

451
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,160
And it always kind of, it paid
off for me.

452
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,160
Always.
I mean, it was, it was the

453
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,880
difference between 1st and 2nd,
not once, but twice, you know,

454
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,760
And it's just, it was a, it was
another sense of control.

455
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:37,920
So then when I unexpectedly got
pregnant and I didn't have that

456
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,880
anymore, that was a whole other
can of worms.

457
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,520
But then it brought me down that
whole path like we just

458
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:46,960
discussed.
And it was just everything works

459
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,320
out.
It always works out, you know, I

460
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:53,560
just needed to learn to trust a
little bit, a little bit more,

461
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,400
you know?
So, yeah.

462
00:25:56,000 --> 00:26:03,560
Yeah, that's like that journey
of like, do you remember the

463
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,120
like where your headspace was
when you found out about the

464
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:11,040
pregnancy, about the first one?
Yeah, yeah.

465
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,360
I was like no, like that's no,
can't believe it.

466
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,120
Definitely not.
And I took like 3 more tasks and

467
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,840
I'm like, yeah, no, I think
that's definitely.

468
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:23,880
Let me buy a different brand.
Yeah, yeah.

469
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:28,160
But I, I am a firm believer that
God places things in your life

470
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:32,520
at the right time.
And I, I can't imagine doing it

471
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,200
differently.
I can't imagine going back to

472
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:35,960
powerlifting.
I think that chapter has

473
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:40,600
completely closed.
I'm, I've completely moved on

474
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,760
from that.
And actually now it's a really

475
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:46,640
cool full 360 moment because now
my dad does it and I get to

476
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:50,040
coach my dad.
And so seeing him, I get

477
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,040
emotional talking about it
because being on the flip side

478
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:56,360
of it, you know, he was always,
we would be.

479
00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:59,760
I've competed two or two times
at the Arnold Sports Festival.

480
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,680
And I don't know if you're
familiar with that in Ohio,

481
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,800
Columbus, OH hosts every year
Arnold Schwarzenegger's big

482
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,720
festival.
It's like picture the Olympia if

483
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:09,960
you're familiar with like the
Olympia.

484
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:14,080
So it's it's like that on an
Arnold Schwarzenegger level.

485
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:17,840
And it's 10s of thousands of
people.

486
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:22,360
I mean, I think the population
of Columbus triples during that

487
00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:24,280
weekend.
So I've been there twice to

488
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,400
compete.
And even though there's

489
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:29,440
literally thousands of people
watching you lift, I only heard

490
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:34,200
my dad, you know?
So now that he's doing it, it's

491
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,000
just.
You can be the one he only.

492
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:39,520
Hears yeah, yeah, it's it's a
really cool full circle moment.

493
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:44,640
So while my competing is that
chapter is closed for me, which

494
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:49,520
I'm completely content with.
I think that I got pregnant at a

495
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,320
time that was a good time to be
done at.

496
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:57,720
I just a month prior to finding
out I had won the 2023 Open

497
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,120
title.
And I kind of left with

498
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:02,240
everything that I, I wanted to
do.

499
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,720
You know, I, yeah, I didn't, I
didn't have anything else that I

500
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:07,880
wanted to do.
It was just kind of the same

501
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:12,160
thing over and over and you get
kind of sick of squatting,

502
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,880
benching, and dead lifting. 4 or
5 * a.

503
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:19,560
Week now you can do different.
Exercises years, yeah and I mean

504
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,080
it was rough on my body too I
mean, I went through a hip

505
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:26,640
surgery and it was a it was a
different level of athleticism.

506
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,880
I mean, power lifters compared
to cross fitters.

507
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,720
They're two totally different
animals, you know, like you

508
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,520
can't compare apples to oranges.
But yeah, that chapter's closed

509
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,320
for me.
I'm, I'm good.

510
00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:39,640
I'm proud of everything that I
did.

511
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:44,200
But it kind of when I was got
pregnant, it also shifted my, my

512
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:48,360
movement mindset.
Like how do I, how do I move?

513
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:52,200
You know, like my body, I can't,
I mean, you do see pregnant

514
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,440
people squatting, benching, dead
lifting, like still three, 400

515
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:57,240
lbs and that's fine.
To each their own.

516
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,680
It didn't feel good for me
anymore and I didn't enjoy it.

517
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:03,880
And I came from many, many years
of not truly enjoying exercise,

518
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,520
but just like forcing myself to
do it with that, like compulsive

519
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:11,120
behavior, you know, so I needed
to find different ways to move

520
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,960
that we're going to prop me for
a really good labor delivery and

521
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:17,560
postpartum, but still like look
forward to doing it.

522
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:22,480
And I've really evolved in the
way that I move and the way that

523
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:25,600
I look at overall fitness.
I, I want to be able to pick

524
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:29,920
both of my kids up and run
around and play with them and

525
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:33,520
not need breaks all the time and
just be a present parent.

526
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,320
And I think that has shifted how
I train.

527
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,400
I train more functionally.
I was going to say through a

528
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,680
functional lens.
Yeah, I train more functionally,

529
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:44,840
not so much an up and down
plane, but all sorts of movement

530
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:49,120
because I mean, I am 100 times
more active now as a parent even

531
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,480
that I was in my powerlifting
days.

532
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:54,960
I mean, I easily get 15 to
20,000 steps a day just chasing

533
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:58,880
around kids all day, you know,
but it really taught me to shift

534
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:03,160
my, my training mindset.
And I, I don't have 3-4 hours to

535
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:04,880
spend at the gym anymore to
train.

536
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,840
I mean, that was my life.
Like my whole day would revolve

537
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:11,160
around what I was eating before
the gym, going to the gym, post

538
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,400
workout, like all of that.
I mean it's a it was my

539
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:17,840
lifestyle and I obviously don't
have that time as a mom anymore.

540
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,720
And I just fit it in where I
can.

541
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,200
But everything is done with
intention.

542
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:26,800
And even this pregnancy compared
to the last one, I've grown so

543
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:30,120
much mentally that I can I see
and feel the difference.

544
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:35,360
So it's just, it's cool to see
how I've evolved even just in

545
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,400
that short 2 year time span, you
know, so.

546
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:41,600
Well, there's fewer
transformative events as

547
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,360
becoming apparent, that's for
sure.

548
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:47,080
It's and it certainly does
compress your time.

549
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,880
I got, I got like a 30 minute
workout in the sauna in this

550
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:51,240
morning and I feel like a
million.

551
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,320
Bucks because I had time to do
it, yeah.

552
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:59,960
It's it does a lot.
And so, you know, with all the

553
00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:03,240
constraints that come along with
it, there's so many blessings to

554
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:07,240
be find found if you find them
and are cognizant of them that

555
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:09,080
it's just a, you know, it's a
temporary.

556
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:10,280
I think we talked about it when
you came in.

557
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:14,400
It's a temporary change.
It's it's it's a temporary thing

558
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,120
and all of life is right.
We go through these different

559
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:21,280
seasons and life deliver us
these weird packages like, you

560
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:26,000
know, kids or torn hips or or
things, and then we just.

561
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:29,000
Well, it feels very permanent,
like when you're in that season

562
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:30,800
and it's it, it's easy to feel
suffocated.

563
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:32,880
Oh, it feels so.
Important, right, right, right,

564
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,720
right.
And I mean it's it having like

565
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,920
I'm a very routine person.
So like when your routine gets

566
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:42,840
rocked when you have kids, it's
also like a form of like like

567
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,200
self identity, like questioning,
like I'm lucky that I didn't go

568
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:50,280
through severe postpartum
depression, but it's, it's still

569
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,200
like rock my world.
And even now.

570
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:56,240
So today I'm still very like
regimented and I get up at 4:00

571
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,680
or 5:00 in the morning and I do
my workout because if I don't do

572
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:01,760
my workout in the morning, you
don't want to talk to me the

573
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:03,400
rest of the day.
Like, that's just, that's my

574
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:07,320
time, you know, and I don't, I
don't view as getting up at 4:00

575
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:09,120
or 5:00 in the morning as
punishment.

576
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:11,720
It's, it's an act of self love
for me.

577
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:13,840
Like I know some people hate
getting up in the morning to go

578
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,200
do a workout.
Like, Oh, it sucks.

579
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,800
I don't want to go do it.
I don't look at it like that at

580
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:19,360
all.
Like it is not a form of

581
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:22,480
punishment for me anymore.
It when it, when it used to be

582
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,320
very much so.
Like I just, I know how it

583
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,320
affects me throughout the day.
And it's not because of how many

584
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,440
calories my ring tells me I'm
burning.

585
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:34,000
You know, it's, it's a different
it, it's all mental and it's not

586
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,400
physical, you know, I mean, it
does physically affect me how I

587
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:37,960
feel, of course, especially
being pregnant.

588
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:42,360
But yeah, that's just something
that I won't ever sacrifice and

589
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,600
just evolves as you evolve.
And motherhood, you know, I know

590
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:50,320
that my whole routine will
change again in two months and

591
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,280
that's OK.
Like as I know it goes by really

592
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:55,560
fast and nothing is permanent
and.

593
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,160
And we can always create another
routine, it just takes a few

594
00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,800
days.
To get used to and just to live

595
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:03,400
in that season because I mean, I
as a first time postpartum mom,

596
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:07,960
it was like it went by so fast
and it was just like, it's like

597
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,640
heartbreaking, but like freeing
at the same time seeing your

598
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,240
kids grow up.
And I mean, I didn't get that

599
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:17,240
much time with her in her early
days with maternity leave in the

600
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,200
United States.
You know, it's not, it's not

601
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:20,840
great.
I think I spent about 9 weeks at

602
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:23,200
home and then I went back to
work.

603
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,640
I was working a corporate job,
didn't work out in that

604
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,120
maternity leave time for us to
come to agreement about working

605
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,280
part time.
So eventually I just, I left and

606
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,760
I found a different job that
could accommodate a part time

607
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,440
schedule.
So I was fortunate enough for

608
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,080
that.
But I mean, nine weeks is like

609
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:42,920
criminal.
I mean, they're newborns yet,

610
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:47,600
you know, and I, I wasn't ready.
I mean, we're never ready as

611
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:52,280
parents to let go, you know, but
it was, I think if I were to, if

612
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:54,520
I experienced any postpartum
depression, it was leaving my

613
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:58,640
child during that time, just
feeling like I had no other

614
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:03,600
option.
So I mean, I had to, I, we were

615
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:07,360
just in a situation where I had
to go back to work and that was

616
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:10,239
really, really hard.
And I wish I could sit here and

617
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:11,920
say that it got easier, but it
didn't.

618
00:34:13,159 --> 00:34:17,040
About 9-10 months later, I just,
I, I sat down.

619
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:18,639
I'm like my husband.
I said, I can't do it.

620
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,560
I cannot do this anymore.
I mean, I was full time

621
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:25,320
breastfeeding, still trying to
balance all of the things and it

622
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:28,120
was just, it was just too much.
And for me to like, actually sit

623
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,400
down for the first time in my
life and admit that I needed

624
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:34,400
help, I think spoke volumes to
him where he was like, OK, like,

625
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,920
let's just, we'll be all right.
You know, let's just take a step

626
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,679
back and take a month or two and
just, you know, think about it.

627
00:34:39,679 --> 00:34:44,840
And I never went back.
I've found other ways to help

628
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:49,199
support our family through
different passions and hobbies.

629
00:34:49,199 --> 00:34:52,800
And it just whatever I needed to
do to help put food on the

630
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:57,400
table, but also still be present
in my kids life because I, I

631
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:02,400
can't, I, I feel bad for people
who don't get that same

632
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,880
opportunity to watch somebody
else raise your kid at daycare.

633
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,800
I mean, some people just don't
have that that option.

634
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:09,200
It's just card's not in the
hands.

635
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,680
Exactly.
And I just like after going

636
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:14,920
through it for nine months, I
just, I couldn't, couldn't do it

637
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:17,120
anymore.
But I've found different ways

638
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:22,080
to, to bring income to our
families while it's still

639
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:26,160
something that I like to do.
I went to personal training for

640
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:29,280
a little bit.
I kind of, I kind of delved off

641
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,520
of that a little bit because
it's, it's hard because

642
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:34,680
everyone's really excited about
it in the beginning.

643
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:36,720
And that's just fitness in
general, right?

644
00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:39,280
Like New Year's Day comes along
and everyone's like excited and

645
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:42,080
has new goals.
So like when I came out and said

646
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:45,640
that I was going to do coaching
and I built a community,

647
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,480
everyone's so gung ho and
excited about it.

648
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:50,120
And then it kind of like died
down and I was putting in a lot

649
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:53,840
of effort and not getting like a
ton of return.

650
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,560
So it was just one of those
things that it lasted for like 6

651
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,920
months or so.
I'm like, you know, I don't know

652
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,560
if I want to keep doing this,
but social media, how I found

653
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:06,200
you, That has been the one thing
despite like throughout all of

654
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:10,760
my online presence journey, I
mean, I've been very vocal

655
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:14,720
online about powerlifting.
There's a community behind that

656
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:18,400
tying that into my eating
disorder and how that got me to

657
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,440
powerlifting.
I built an audience that way,

658
00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:23,560
which then evolved into
motherhood.

659
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:28,240
So people have watched me change
from, you know, 2012 all the way

660
00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:31,800
to like motherhood now.
So I I built an audience around

661
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,520
that.
And I think like the one thing

662
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:38,160
that out of all of that I really
enjoyed the most was creating

663
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:41,640
the content behind it.
So I was like, well, why don't I

664
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:46,320
just see if other people also
need this, you know, like it's

665
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:48,960
the one thing out of that's the
one thing that's the common

666
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,880
denominator is creating the
content behind it, you know?

667
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:56,040
So that's what I've been doing
now and I love it and it's

668
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,600
working for yourself is great.
It's hard at times, you know,

669
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,600
it's all the the unknowns.
And especially as we're going

670
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,200
into like another uncharted
territory, like I don't know

671
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:07,400
what to expect.
It's nice when you're like in

672
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,400
the corporate world and you're
like, OK, you get 12 weeks.

673
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:13,480
In those 12 weeks, you just
completely unplug and you're not

674
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:15,960
thinking about work at all with
when you're.

675
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:17,680
Doing this thing from your mind.
Right, right.

676
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,640
And then when you have your own
business, you're just kind of

677
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,440
like you're never really fully
checked out.

678
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,320
So I'm still trying to like
figure out that balance to, you

679
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,160
know, so lots of different
things going on.

680
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:32,400
I'm got 47 tabs open in my brain
all the time, but I'm just, I'm

681
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:33,840
just trying to make it work, you
know?

682
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:38,040
Yeah, I'm excited to talk about
marketing more, but I there's

683
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:39,640
one thing you said in there that
I want to touch on.

684
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:42,800
I saw a clip of this recently, I
think it was from a podcast

685
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,480
where the someone used the
phrase self-discipline is the

686
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:50,680
greatest form of self love.
And I had never thought about

687
00:37:50,680 --> 00:38:02,720
that in the past about how like
making yourself do things is, is

688
00:38:02,720 --> 00:38:06,400
that form of self love.
Even for someone who doesn't

689
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:09,200
think that 5:00 in the morning
is an enjoyable time, who's

690
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:14,160
someone who's not there yet,
even doing it is a form of self

691
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:17,040
love and, and following through
with what you're going to tell,

692
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:18,680
what you tell yourself you're
going to do.

693
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:22,080
And that that, that stuck in my
mind.

694
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,440
Like I heard this probably 8
months ago and it's something

695
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:27,320
that still bounces around in
there that I think of.

696
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:31,320
Do you go back to that on days
where you don't feel like doing

697
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,760
something for yourself?
Like is that have you?

698
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,360
Do you think that that's, I
think I think that a lot of

699
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,680
people like cling on to one
thing that'll help them get out

700
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,080
of bed in the morning, you know?
Do you think that has kind of

701
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,200
been.
That's a great question.

702
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:47,520
I think it could for a lot of
people.

703
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,760
I think we, you and I are
hearing a little bit about you.

704
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:56,080
We're probably cut from a bit of
a similar cloth where I, I'm

705
00:38:56,280 --> 00:39:00,320
really good at making conscious
decisions and following through

706
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,200
with what I'm going to do, what
I tell myself I'm going to do.

707
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:03,480
I'm kind of a stubborn ass, you
know?

708
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:06,280
Like I, if I say it, like if I
say it to myself, it becomes

709
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,280
reality.
And then it's my reality.

710
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,680
Yep, Yep, I get.
That so I haven't really needed

711
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:17,560
that push all that often, but
more so it it has flipped how I

712
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:22,080
change about how I think through
the process of the decisions I

713
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:29,240
make the to choose because that
I'm a routine, very routine

714
00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:31,800
person as well.
And those two things combined,

715
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:35,720
they often lead to these
progressive structures of like

716
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,080
that ultimately adjacently make
you feel good.

717
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:40,120
Yeah, right.
Exactly.

718
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:44,120
Yeah.
So what it's flipped is me

719
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:53,160
thinking about what and when I
choose to do things and how I

720
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:56,240
feel about doing that in in that
moment.

721
00:39:56,480 --> 00:40:00,440
But All in all, I think it I
would say it's given me a little

722
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:09,240
bit more comfort or self release
to be like, OK, yeah, this is

723
00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:11,040
the right thing to do at this
moment.

724
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:14,200
And you're not just like
grinding and knocking your head

725
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:15,880
against the wall cuz you want to
work hard at.

726
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,680
Something right, right, right.
You have to have purpose behind

727
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:23,320
yeah, what you do Like there's
there's a reason why I'm getting

728
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:24,920
up in the morning.
Are there some days where I've

729
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,080
slept like complete shit and I
don't want to get up?

730
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:30,240
Like yes, but I think like it's
it's a privilege.

731
00:40:30,240 --> 00:40:32,680
Like pressure is a privilege.
Movement is a privilege.

732
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,360
Like, yes, you see, like the
things where people are like

733
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:37,240
some people can't get out of bed
and do the things that you do.

734
00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:40,560
Like that hits home for some
people that doesn't like that

735
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,760
doesn't strike a chord for me to
get up.

736
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:47,720
You know, everyone's got to find
their like you just said, like

737
00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:50,920
you've saw that eight months ago
and that like, kind of like you

738
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,840
hold on to that.
Like there's a going to be a

739
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:57,560
phrase or something that hits
home with you or strikes a

740
00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:02,600
different chord that will get
you out of bed in the morning.

741
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:05,960
You know, like there's just you
just got to have something to

742
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:08,800
work for.
And some people just don't have

743
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:11,760
that same drive and that's OK.
You know, you don't have to get

744
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:14,800
up at 5 O clock in the morning
to to get your goals.

745
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:18,880
Like you don't, it's if I, if
mother, motherhood has taught me

746
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:23,800
to pivot like exceptionally like
that is the one thing that you

747
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:26,480
have to be good at doing.
Like I've had to accept like

748
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:28,480
just 'cause I don't get my
workout in at 5:00 in the

749
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:33,280
morning doesn't mean that my
workout at 2:00 doesn't count.

750
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:36,880
Or, you know, I, you have to
learn to, to pivot.

751
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:41,640
And I think that has been such a
key thing in me maintaining a

752
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,440
certain level of fitness
throughout this pregnancy is

753
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,920
being able to pivot.
I mean, and that's that's hard

754
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:50,120
because eating disorder
background and pivoting do not

755
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:53,400
go hand in hand.
You know, like, I am not like a

756
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,720
go with the flow person.
But as a parent, you don't

757
00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:57,720
really have a choice.
Yeah.

758
00:41:57,720 --> 00:42:01,280
Like, your toddler's going to be
up at 6:00 crying and you're in

759
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:03,760
the middle of the workout.
Well, it's OK.

760
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:08,280
Like, the sun will still rise
and it will time moves on, you

761
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:09,800
know?
And that's, it's definitely

762
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:13,520
taught me to be more flexible
with everything that I do.

763
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,800
Yeah.
I'll tell you what was more eye

764
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:20,160
opening for me is throughout my
life, I had always been an

765
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,440
athlete.
So I, I, my body was always

766
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:24,680
moving just because of things I
wanted to do.

767
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:27,120
Sure, OK.
And even posts when I stopped

768
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:31,800
like playing sports or whatever,
like for intention and like when

769
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,400
it turned into like like the rec
league basketball and softball,

770
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:39,080
it turns into that thing.
I always, I never had to

771
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:44,080
intentionally do the athletic
things that give us all the

772
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,200
benefits that we get out of it
because it was just part of my

773
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,920
life, right And about like
absent.

774
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:51,240
Mindedly, you're just going to
do it anyways.

775
00:42:51,240 --> 00:42:53,160
Yeah, yeah.
It, it was just something I did

776
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,520
because I enjoyed competing,
right?

777
00:42:55,720 --> 00:42:58,920
I, it wasn't particularly the
sport or something.

778
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:02,280
I mean, it is the sport, but
it's enjoying the the act of the

779
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:02,840
game.
Yeah.

780
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:07,880
And by by wanting to be good at
that act of the game came all of

781
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:13,120
this movement and healthy body
stuff that maintained, you know,

782
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:16,960
a symbiotic relationship with
myself, it with my mind and my

783
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:18,640
body that everything was
aligned.

784
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:23,400
And about 3 years ago, I tore up
my ankle playing basketball.

785
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:26,840
Just this devastating rolled
ankle that I limped for eight

786
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:28,360
months and it was just
ridiculous.

787
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:32,440
And in going through that was
the first time I'd ever really

788
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:35,600
been sedentary in my life.
Like I had never had a serious

789
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:38,080
injury.
I had never had a gap where I

790
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,760
didn't do something movement
athletic wise.

791
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:44,800
And it's funny because when I
football was my main sport and I

792
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,400
told him I always hated lifting
weights, I couldn't stand.

793
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,520
It hated it.
And I just did it because I had

794
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:50,920
to.
Yeah.

795
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,560
And I told myself as soon as I
stopped playing football, I'm

796
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:57,440
never lifting weights again.
I'm never want to do this again.

797
00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:01,120
So you did you see the the
difference in performance if you

798
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:05,000
weren't lifting versus like is
it one of those things well?

799
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:08,680
You know, once I quit playing
football at the main thing I did

800
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:11,480
was play basketball.
You don't need weight training

801
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:15,200
for basketball.
So I would, you know, I I would

802
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,960
do things and most of it my
exercise just came through

803
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,680
playing pick up basketball.
And that's something you can do

804
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:22,040
in that sport.
Like you can just play

805
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:23,840
basketball and then what do you
know, you get better at

806
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,640
basketball.
But like that's just how it

807
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:30,280
works.
But I busted my ankle and I had

808
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:33,280
this 88 month period of just
limping around, sedentary, not

809
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:37,040
working out, and I didn't notice
the toll that it took on me

810
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,480
mentally.
I didn't know I had become into

811
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:41,720
a completely different person.
I was crabby.

812
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:45,120
I wasn't driven.
I didn't wake up like a golden

813
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:47,280
retriever.
I woke up like a Saint Bernard,

814
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:52,840
you know, like all of these
different stuff and like I don't

815
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,640
remember the exact time that I
thought about it, but that's

816
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:59,280
something that more drives me
now to where now I lift like 4

817
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:01,880
times a week again.
But I do it in a way that I

818
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:05,240
enjoy it.
It it's not about an end goal,

819
00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:09,280
it's about this is good for me.
This is an act of self love

820
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:11,800
because I know how I'm going to
feel at the end mentally.

821
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:14,320
Yes, and you've been, you know
what it feels like.

822
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:16,680
So I think that's the difference
between like you and I and

823
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:20,960
somebody just starting out on a
fitness journey is like, they,

824
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,920
they don't know what to expect.
They don't know how good they're

825
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:25,360
going to feel.
So like, why should I keep

826
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:26,880
going?
You know, what's the point?

827
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:28,240
Like food makes me feel good
too.

828
00:45:28,240 --> 00:45:31,280
So like exactly.
You know, and I think that's the

829
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:33,840
why in the road, right?
Yeah, that's the why in the road

830
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:37,080
that I think a lot of people end
up taking is maybe like some

831
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:40,440
people never do anything
athletically in their life.

832
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,360
And that's OK.
Like everyone finds a different

833
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:44,280
outlet, Yes.
But is it?

834
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:48,080
There's a certain layer of
health to it that needs to

835
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:49,640
happen.
And there's a lot of different

836
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:54,080
ways you can approach that, But
one is I, I think some form of

837
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:58,920
physical activity connected to
mental health is certainly has

838
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,000
to be a baseline in people's
lives.

839
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:03,880
Like one thing I do like, I
don't consider it a workout.

840
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,480
And it's funny because I, I
vividly remember myself, myself

841
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:09,640
telling my uncle at one time I
was probably like 16.

842
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:14,240
I was like, if walking is ever
an exercise for me, put me in

843
00:46:14,240 --> 00:46:16,440
the grave.
I, I don't even, you know, that

844
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:18,400
shouldn't be an exercise.
Me too.

845
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:22,120
I've developed now every single
morning, that's how I wake up my

846
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:23,600
day.
Like I do the morning with my

847
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:25,720
little guy and then I go on a
nice long walk.

848
00:46:25,720 --> 00:46:27,240
I don't put earbuds in or
anything.

849
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:31,440
And I get, I try to get like if
the weather's right, I'll, I'll,

850
00:46:31,720 --> 00:46:34,480
I'll mix in some running, like
I'll run, walk, run, walk like

851
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:37,160
interval training.
But if I'm going to get all

852
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:39,280
sweaty or something, it's the
middle of summer, I just go for

853
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:43,120
a walk and then and then go.
And something as little as that

854
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:48,080
makes a huge difference in how
you approach the day and how you

855
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:49,960
see things.
And that's kind of where I look

856
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:53,120
at the self-discipline.
The self love thing is that,

857
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:57,080
yeah, like maybe I don't
particularly enjoy, you know,

858
00:46:57,080 --> 00:46:59,480
doing 4 sets of chest press and
stuff or whatever.

859
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:01,320
I love the sauna.
That part I enjoy, yeah.

860
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:04,160
But I know how I'm going to feel
at the end.

861
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:05,720
Yeah.
And I think that's why the quote

862
00:47:05,720 --> 00:47:08,800
resonated with me, because of
that connection that I'm able to

863
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:11,680
see now that I always just took
for granted or didn't even know

864
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:13,520
because it was just inherent in
my life.

865
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:16,920
Yeah, there's a really fine line
between it, I think between like

866
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:21,280
being obsessive about it and
like it being destructive, like

867
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:25,760
self-care, self criticism, like
there's just a really fine line

868
00:47:26,240 --> 00:47:28,000
between that.
And I do think that that just

869
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:32,760
that takes some time and
struggle and growth in order to

870
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:37,680
like separate those two, you
know, like I know when I should

871
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:40,280
be pushing and when I should be
pulling back.

872
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:44,760
I've been through enough of
those waves as an athlete and

873
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:48,960
just like even past my athletic
career, I, I've learned so much

874
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,240
about my body and how to tune in
to my body.

875
00:47:51,240 --> 00:47:54,320
And that's just, that's
something that comes with time.

876
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,080
Like somebody who's just
starting out is not going to

877
00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:01,840
know those things right away.
You know, it just, it's so much

878
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:05,080
more than just like working out
everyday.

879
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:10,440
It's so much more than that to
me, you know, it's it's just

880
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:13,440
another tool in my toolbox.
And just like you, if I don't

881
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,760
get up and do my walk in the
morning like it's if I could

882
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,240
walk the rest of my life and I'd
be the only form of exercise

883
00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:22,080
that I do fine.
Right now it's the only thing I

884
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:24,120
would pick.
Yeah, if I had to only pick one,

885
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:26,040
it would be that.
Yep, Yep.

886
00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:30,520
But I mean, even as I've gotten
away from like the Super heavy

887
00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:34,840
duty, RIP yourself apart five
times a week, 1 Rep Max,

888
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:38,920
squatting, benching,
deadlifting, like I've I've

889
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:44,000
found joy in movement in all
these other types of ways, like

890
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:47,560
in just to be flexible, like you
just have to enjoy what you're

891
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:48,720
doing.
Do you do yoga at all?

892
00:48:49,240 --> 00:48:50,080
I do not.
OK.

893
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:51,480
No, I love yoga.
Are you?

894
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:54,480
I am not.
I'm not a flexible person.

895
00:48:55,720 --> 00:48:58,600
Well, yoga and powerlifting.
I know that's well and I'm

896
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,280
trying to be more of a
functional athlete.

897
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:06,800
So I mean, I, I do a lot more
athletic based training now.

898
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:09,440
A lot of plyometric, I mean not
right now, but a lot of

899
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:13,280
plyometric movement, moving on
different planes, moving

900
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:16,280
laterally a lot more is really
important to me.

901
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,560
Not doing 500 setups a day.
I don't think that's like

902
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:25,080
functional core training.
I think that things like like

903
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:29,680
dead bugs and pale off presses
and just integrating my core in

904
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:32,480
those ways that will translate
to motherhood.

905
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:35,720
When I'm carrying a heavy car
seat.

906
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:38,680
Well, that's a farmer's carry,
you know, So I, I just try to

907
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:41,720
think about all these different
things that I'm doing in

908
00:49:41,720 --> 00:49:45,880
motherhood and what moves will,
you know, kind of relate to

909
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:48,160
that.
And when I was getting back into

910
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:51,680
the personal training thing, I
think that's something that I

911
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:53,760
LED with.
I mean, moms, we put ourselves

912
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,200
on the back burners all the
time, you know, like that's,

913
00:49:56,640 --> 00:50:01,640
that's just the way it is.
But maybe approaching fitness to

914
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:06,720
fit your life and not become the
center of it is something that I

915
00:50:06,720 --> 00:50:08,960
really wanted to get across to
people.

916
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:12,160
But it's it's hard, like we were
talking about before with this

917
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:16,080
day and age and the GLP ones.
And people just want to get the

918
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:19,160
results without doing the work
and you know it.

919
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:23,920
There is going to be some suck
in getting to where you want to

920
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:25,760
go.
Like you don't, you don't want

921
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:27,600
to wake up every, you don't wake
up every day and you want to do

922
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:29,040
it.
That's just, that's just the

923
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:30,920
harsh reality of it, you know,
it's just.

924
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:32,760
And that is, it's almost good.
Yeah.

925
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:38,120
Because I don't know very few
things in life that are truly

926
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:43,200
worth their salt at the end come
without work in the process and

927
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:47,240
trials and tribulations like
nothing I've ever done that I'm

928
00:50:47,240 --> 00:50:51,000
truly proud of.
I would consider easy or you

929
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:54,280
know, it it it you have to go
through that stuff for the

930
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,960
appreciation at the end to be
different.

931
00:50:56,960 --> 00:51:00,240
Like I hope when I'm, you know,
X amount of years and looking

932
00:51:00,240 --> 00:51:04,200
back on the things I did, like
I, I know I'm not going to

933
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:07,920
regret working hard, not going
to regret trying to do

934
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:12,160
something.
But like, if something comes too

935
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:15,320
easy, it's almost like if
someone gives you $20 versus

936
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:18,720
when you earn $20, you spend
that $20 differently.

937
00:51:18,720 --> 00:51:21,800
That's very true.
And the same is with our life.

938
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:23,680
Yeah, I think.
Yeah, I agree.

939
00:51:24,240 --> 00:51:26,280
Super fun to talk about.
Well, let's talk about marketing

940
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:27,440
a little bit too.
Marketing.

941
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:32,040
Marketing's been my career.
So, so when you message back and

942
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:37,880
you're like, well, I do teach
marketing at WTC and I mean, I'm

943
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:40,760
still like, like this is like
baby steps for me.

944
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:44,880
Like I'm still getting my feet
in the water, you know, just

945
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:48,440
starting at the bottom, like
where everybody else does, you

946
00:51:48,440 --> 00:51:50,280
know?
And it's been, it's been fun.

947
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:51,560
Yeah.
And it should be fun.

948
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:54,040
Like, I don't that's, I think
that's been my main thing.

949
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:57,000
Like as I've gotten older and
even when I was younger, I was

950
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:58,920
like, people are like, what do
you want to do when you grow up?

951
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:01,680
I'm like, I don't know.
I still don't know what I want

952
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:02,240
to do when I grow.
Up.

953
00:52:02,240 --> 00:52:04,720
I don't know what I want to do.
I went to college twice and I

954
00:52:04,720 --> 00:52:07,120
didn't know what I wanted to do
and I wasted a bunch of money

955
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:09,800
and for what?
Who cares?

956
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:15,240
Like, I don't think you have to
go to be anything, you know,

957
00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:17,200
Like there's lots of people who
go.

958
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:18,720
It's another tool, is what it
is.

959
00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:19,960
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.

960
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:23,600
And I've always just felt like I
kind of don't fit that norm,

961
00:52:23,720 --> 00:52:26,720
like where I don't want to sit
in a cubicle and like, work for

962
00:52:26,720 --> 00:52:30,080
somebody else's dream.
Like some people like that and

963
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:32,000
they like to just do their job
and go home at the end of the

964
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:33,480
day.
And that's, that's fine.

965
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:35,760
And I thought that's how I was
wanting to be.

966
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,640
But then I had my daughter and I
was like, I no, like, I, I want

967
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:42,640
to be here with her more than
anything like.

968
00:52:42,640 --> 00:52:45,240
Was the corporate type role you
were working, was that in the

969
00:52:45,240 --> 00:52:47,160
marketing realm or was it in a
different space?

970
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:49,480
Totally different.
It was like customer service

971
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:52,600
furniture.
I wasn't passionate about it,

972
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:58,280
you know, I just didn't like I I
love helping people and making

973
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:00,880
those connections with people.
So like I still got that in the

974
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:03,760
customer service side of things.
But at the end of the day it was

975
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:07,000
like, yeah, but like you don't
care like about me.

976
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,640
Like if somebody was rude, I'm
like, do you know that I have a

977
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:11,280
2 year old at home?
Like you wouldn't say that to

978
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:13,560
me.
Yeah, very transactional.

979
00:53:13,560 --> 00:53:15,880
I'm like, I just, I feel like I
meant for something more than

980
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:17,880
this, especially after all that
I've gone through.

981
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:21,800
Like did God really just bring
me to this point just to be like

982
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:24,840
a nine to fiver, you know?
And that's fine.

983
00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:26,360
People work their nine to fives
and they love it.

984
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:27,920
That's fine.
I was just not one of those

985
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:30,920
people.
So I just felt like I wanted to

986
00:53:31,680 --> 00:53:36,160
still contribute in some way
that gave me meaning.

987
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:39,360
And it's, it's hard work.
You know, it's, you don't start

988
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:43,320
off making a shit ton of money.
You don't make anything in the

989
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:44,640
beginning for a really long
time.

990
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:47,800
You know, I feel like I'm still
in that stage, but I'm, I'm

991
00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:50,840
having fun and I have somebody
at home that supports me.

992
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:53,360
And I think that's another part
of it too.

993
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:56,280
Just having somebody to support
your dreams when you're by

994
00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:57,320
yourself and you're trying to do
it.

995
00:53:57,320 --> 00:53:59,640
It's it's kind of hard to, I
don't think I would have been

996
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:02,360
doing it four or five years ago.
I wouldn't have had the the

997
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:07,280
courage or where we're at now in
life, you know, to be able to go

998
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:10,160
out and try these things.
But.

999
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:12,440
Your initial message was really
well done.

1000
00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:16,440
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I think there's something

1001
00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:20,560
important in there to talk about
though, and it's the connection

1002
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:25,440
between connecting some type of
passion or something you care

1003
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:28,480
about with what you do.
I think it's less about, of

1004
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:31,040
course, when when something like
parenthood gets thrown into the

1005
00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:35,240
mix, it does become about time
frames because there are certain

1006
00:54:35,240 --> 00:54:38,560
time frames your kids awake and
every one of those seconds is

1007
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:41,000
precious.
And we use them how we can,

1008
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:44,320
right?
But adjacent to that, taking

1009
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:48,280
parenthood out of the equation,
there is a lot to be said about

1010
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:52,320
connecting something you truly
care about to what you're

1011
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:57,240
putting your energy towards.
And this is a story I often tell

1012
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:03,040
in a different space than on the
podcast, but especially working

1013
00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:06,080
in marketing.
I owned and I owned an agency

1014
00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:08,040
for like 5 years.
It was great, did well.

1015
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:09,880
I was working in broadcasting at
the same time.

1016
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:12,480
I did awesome.
Like, I was really successful at

1017
00:55:12,480 --> 00:55:16,720
what I did, but there were only
pockets of the job that made me

1018
00:55:16,720 --> 00:55:20,000
feel accomplished.
There was, like you mentioned,

1019
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:21,960
supporting people.
I ended up identifying.

1020
00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:23,480
That's one thing I really like
to do.

1021
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:26,480
I like to support people in
reaching their goals.

1022
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:31,720
And I had to go through and
choose because I was to the

1023
00:55:31,720 --> 00:55:35,520
point in my career where I was
completely unsatisfied, even

1024
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:37,600
though I was very successful on
paper.

1025
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:42,040
I didn't care about selling more
fish fries, or I didn't care

1026
00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:44,960
about selling more cars for the
car dealership down the road, or

1027
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:49,920
I didn't care about the product.
It was the process that I found

1028
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:53,320
satisfaction.
And I told that to so many

1029
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:57,520
aspiring marketers that it's so
important when you develop the

1030
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:00,920
skill to persuade people to do
things that it comes with a

1031
00:56:00,920 --> 00:56:04,000
weight of one day you're going
to wake up in the morning and

1032
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:06,280
you're waiting like, wait a
second, I am persuading people

1033
00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:08,080
to do things.
Do I care about what they're

1034
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:10,360
doing?
Do I want them to actually do

1035
00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:10,880
that?
I know.

1036
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:14,320
And that's fascinating.
And and that that comes along.

1037
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:18,560
Ultimately, the point I'm trying
to make is that the, you know,

1038
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:21,200
there's this pie in the sky
adage of do what you love and

1039
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:22,360
you'll never work a day in your
life.

1040
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:26,160
Well, that's kind of bullshit.
Like, you know, unless, unless

1041
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:28,040
I'm like trout fishing every
single day.

1042
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:30,400
And I'd still probably get sick
of trout fishing.

1043
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:35,960
But what is pivotal is that you
connect those, the places you're

1044
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:39,080
putting your energy to something
you care about the outcome of.

1045
00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:42,040
And I think that's where the
9:00 to 5:00 comes in.

1046
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:45,000
And it's funny when you were
telling that story, I have one

1047
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:46,800
of my great friends.
He's one of my best friends in

1048
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:48,840
the world.
He's he's going to listen.

1049
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:50,800
To this I was just going to.
Say, he listens to every

1050
00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:51,920
episode.
He's a great friend.

1051
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:54,560
He supports everything I do, and
he's one of my best friends in

1052
00:56:54,560 --> 00:56:56,840
the world.
And we had a funny conversation

1053
00:56:56,840 --> 00:57:00,200
at a golf tournament last year
where he works for the state.

1054
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:02,960
He's a civil engineer and he's,
I know he's great at what he

1055
00:57:02,960 --> 00:57:04,760
does.
He's, he's just that person.

1056
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:08,680
And he tell like he'll tell me
about the projects and they're

1057
00:57:08,680 --> 00:57:10,280
like the roads that he's going
through.

1058
00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:14,120
And somehow we got to the thing
of like we were with another one

1059
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:16,240
of our friends and we talked
about what are you ever going to

1060
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:17,840
like manage the department
you're in?

1061
00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:20,160
And our other third friend kind
of laughed.

1062
00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:22,840
He's like, do you know him?
And he has like no aspiration to

1063
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:24,400
do it.
Like he loves what he does.

1064
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:27,680
Most people would look at this
and like he goes and he sits at

1065
00:57:27,680 --> 00:57:30,680
a desk for 8 hours, designs the
roads and stuff.

1066
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:34,720
And and like you look at that as
a nine to five, like there's X

1067
00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:36,280
amount of people in the world.
They're going to be like, oh,

1068
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:38,160
that's my living nightmare, you
know.

1069
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:43,360
But the passion that he's
connected to, like he, you can

1070
00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:46,640
hear it when he talks about the
end project and he likes what he

1071
00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:48,480
does.
And I think that's the important

1072
00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:53,360
piece is finding what's
comfortable for you, that at the

1073
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:57,600
end of the day, you're like, you
know, I'm glad about what I did

1074
00:57:57,600 --> 00:57:59,640
today.
Like it gives me satisfaction.

1075
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:01,400
Even though you're really
nervous like leading up to it,

1076
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:04,560
like I, this is, it's very out
of my comfort zone.

1077
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:08,160
Like I six months ago, if you
would have told me that I would

1078
00:58:08,160 --> 00:58:12,360
have like be cold calling
businesses and sending messages

1079
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:15,720
to businesses and putting myself
out there and not giving a shit

1080
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:18,160
what anybody thinks.
I think that especially like in

1081
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:20,960
this postpartum period, I've
tried like lots of different

1082
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:22,760
things and like advertised
myself out there.

1083
00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:27,160
Like I, I did personal training
for a while and now I'm doing, I

1084
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:31,200
do like an in home daycare too.
And then I'm doing this.

1085
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:33,080
So it's kind of.
Like oh, so you are chasing kids

1086
00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:34,960
around all?
Day oh, I literally yeah yeah

1087
00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:39,160
yeah.
So it's it's one of those things

1088
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:42,640
where I I I was scared of what
people would think of me.

1089
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:45,040
Like is she trying to like do
all of the things and wear all

1090
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:47,920
of the hats and I was putting
myself on social media and that

1091
00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:51,920
was I'd had to get over that
fear and just continue to put

1092
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:54,400
myself out there.
But I think it's just it's taken

1093
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:57,640
like I wouldn't have been doing
this like 5 or 10 years ago.

1094
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:00,880
I think that even tying back to
everything that I went through

1095
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:05,600
as a young teenager, young
adults, like it's given me the

1096
00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:08,760
confidence to be able to do this
from like a very shy reserved

1097
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:12,360
girl who doesn't want to express
her creativity.

1098
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:15,400
Like I'm a very creative person,
but I was afraid to always

1099
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:19,160
express myself just with things
that I was going through to now.

1100
00:59:19,160 --> 00:59:22,440
Like it's, it's just, it's
everything's like woven its way

1101
00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:26,880
here, you know, like it's given
me the confidence to cold call

1102
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:29,400
people, cold message people.
Like I would never do that.

1103
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,360
I didn't even want to answer the
phone when I was in customer

1104
00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:32,320
service.
I didn't want to talk to

1105
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:37,680
anybody, you know, So it's just
it's given me, it's given me a

1106
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:41,120
lot of confidence like in even
being here with you today like

1107
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:44,760
that, putting myself out there
like that's, that's scary.

1108
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:47,400
Like it it is scary, but it's
I'll leave today.

1109
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:49,920
I'll be like, I'm so glad that I
went and did that.

1110
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:52,320
And I think that's something
that I want to like show my kids

1111
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:55,040
too.
Is just it's cliche, but you

1112
00:59:55,040 --> 00:59:59,160
really can do anything.
I mean, I is a sales.

1113
00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:02,240
Am I am I in sales right now?
Kind of, you know, like I never

1114
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:07,640
saw myself like in a role like
this, but I I enjoy it and it's,

1115
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:14,240
it's cool to see actual change
happening and getting something

1116
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:16,480
out of it, you know, like it's
not just.

1117
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:20,800
It's a hobby, but I'm also, I'm
doing pretty good at it, you

1118
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:23,560
know, so it's, it's kind of eye
opening to be like, OK, like I

1119
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:26,720
really can do this.
Like I've always had success in

1120
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:30,240
everything that I've tried, no
matter what it is in life.

1121
01:00:30,240 --> 01:00:33,560
And I think that's it's goes
back to the working out thing to

1122
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:35,440
like people don't want to
continue if they don't see.

1123
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:37,960
Well, it's persistence, right?
Yeah, You succeed in anything

1124
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:40,040
you persist at.
Yeah, exactly.

1125
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:42,360
And I like the personal training
thing.

1126
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:45,360
I did that for like 6 months and
then I was like, you know, and

1127
01:00:45,360 --> 01:00:48,200
now I'm back here again and I
think that this is going to be

1128
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:52,840
the one thing that stays, stays
with me for a while, you know?

1129
01:00:53,040 --> 01:00:55,280
And it's interesting to hear you
started on your path there

1130
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:58,040
earlier, but it sounds like you
you probably had some personal

1131
01:00:58,040 --> 01:00:59,600
social media success.
Yeah.

1132
01:00:59,960 --> 01:01:04,440
Early yeah, Yep.
I just, and I, I used my

1133
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:08,320
platform, my, my smallish
platform of, you know, less than

1134
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:11,240
5000 followers.
But the people that like,

1135
01:01:11,240 --> 01:01:16,280
followed me and like listen to
my story over the years was, was

1136
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:18,400
more important because I would,
I would go to powerlifting meets

1137
01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:23,000
and people would know me from my
story or they would follow along

1138
01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:26,720
in different ways.
And so people being there from

1139
01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:30,320
the beginning to now is, is the
cool part.

1140
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:33,480
You know, they've watched me
kind of grow up and those people

1141
01:01:33,480 --> 01:01:37,680
have stuck with me and I've
changed Instagram usernames and

1142
01:01:37,800 --> 01:01:39,520
different accounts like many,
many times.

1143
01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:42,320
But there's still like that
small group of people that that

1144
01:01:42,680 --> 01:01:44,640
follow me throughout the
journey.

1145
01:01:44,640 --> 01:01:47,360
And even though I don't have
like this mass following and I

1146
01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:51,640
don't have a blue verified check
mark, I still put myself out

1147
01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:53,920
there in a vulnerable way.
And I know that I've helped

1148
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:57,560
people in that time.
And that's, that's the kind of

1149
01:01:57,560 --> 01:01:59,760
impact that I care about.
I don't really care about like

1150
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:02,920
getting a blue verified check
marker, like going viral, like

1151
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:06,560
all those things are nice.
But like I'm having impact on

1152
01:02:06,800 --> 01:02:11,240
people sharing my vulnerable
side, my struggles, my story.

1153
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:14,120
And that's kind of the only
thing that I've ever wanted to

1154
01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:16,200
get out of it.
I always say, like, if I went

1155
01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:17,800
through everything that I went
through and I could only help

1156
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:19,960
one person like it, it's worth
it.

1157
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:23,320
I mean, I've, I've talked to
thousands of kids and high

1158
01:02:23,320 --> 01:02:26,320
schools around the state,
sharing my story, getting up

1159
01:02:26,320 --> 01:02:28,480
there and just pouring my heart
out.

1160
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:33,040
And if I only talked to one
person that day, like, OK, like,

1161
01:02:33,720 --> 01:02:37,280
it was worth it, you know?
Especially with a story like

1162
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:37,880
that.
Yeah.

1163
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:39,760
Yeah.
I mean, you're lit quite

1164
01:02:39,760 --> 01:02:42,480
literally saving lives in in
ways.

1165
01:02:43,160 --> 01:02:44,760
Yeah.
You know, what's unique about

1166
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:48,600
that is that I know a lot of
industry professionals that know

1167
01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:50,880
that that's the key to success
on social media.

1168
01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:55,040
Yeah.
But that's a hard sell for

1169
01:02:55,040 --> 01:02:56,320
businesses.
It is.

1170
01:02:56,320 --> 01:03:01,240
I actually, I just had a call
with somebody yesterday and

1171
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:05,240
she's got lots of different
things going on and it almost is

1172
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:08,920
like a like she's replicating a
portfolio on all these different

1173
01:03:08,920 --> 01:03:12,040
platforms and she's not seeing
growth everywhere.

1174
01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:15,000
And I look at her Instagram and
I'm like she's telling me her

1175
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:17,680
personal story and I'm like.
This is what?

1176
01:03:17,720 --> 01:03:19,320
You, this is what you need to
do.

1177
01:03:19,320 --> 01:03:22,600
People will buy that they they
want.

1178
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:25,920
They want to know who you are.
Maybe all of these people

1179
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:29,120
following you, they're going
through something similar and

1180
01:03:29,440 --> 01:03:33,360
what you're giving to people can
help them in a way that you

1181
01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:35,640
don't even know yet because you
haven't put yourself out there

1182
01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:37,320
like it's scary.
You're putting yourself

1183
01:03:37,520 --> 01:03:41,360
completely out there on the
Internet to be just naked.

1184
01:03:41,400 --> 01:03:44,600
You know, you're naked truth and
that's scary, but I think that's

1185
01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:46,560
people want to know what sets
you apart.

1186
01:03:46,560 --> 01:03:49,200
Otherwise you're just going to
get lost in the noise and being

1187
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:52,600
like everybody else.
There's 1000 other accounts like

1188
01:03:52,600 --> 01:03:54,560
you out there, like why are you
different?

1189
01:03:55,040 --> 01:03:58,560
You know, and I think sharing
your story, my story, like

1190
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:01,520
that's the one thing that makes
people interested and follow

1191
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:04,160
along, finding your niche and
all of that, you know?

1192
01:04:04,160 --> 01:04:06,600
Yeah, yeah.
And as you can settle down,

1193
01:04:06,640 --> 01:04:09,640
continue down the path, you'll
you'll find that though it's

1194
01:04:09,640 --> 01:04:12,360
kind of like the that's why I'm
hiring you mentality.

1195
01:04:12,760 --> 01:04:15,880
But at the same time, I mean,
you can do it with more than a

1196
01:04:15,880 --> 01:04:18,080
person too.
You can do with a mission, you

1197
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:21,680
can do it with a a story of a
business, whatever it is, but

1198
01:04:21,680 --> 01:04:26,880
just inherently that thing of
the understanding that you need

1199
01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:31,920
to tell a story to succeed.
Like social media algorithms

1200
01:04:31,920 --> 01:04:35,600
aren't built for the business to
build their brand.

1201
01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:40,240
They're build so people spend
more time scrolling the feed and

1202
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:43,920
what truly enamors and
captivates human attention.

1203
01:04:44,520 --> 01:04:46,680
It's other people's stories, IE
why?

1204
01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:50,600
Why do the podcast, you know,
like I'm fascinated in the

1205
01:04:50,600 --> 01:04:53,480
stories of other people and I
hang on to every word.

1206
01:04:53,520 --> 01:04:57,040
And I'm just curious about what
comes next and what else is

1207
01:04:57,040 --> 01:05:00,480
going on in their brain.
And everybody's the same.

1208
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:07,800
But from a content side, like
Johnny business owner says,

1209
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:10,680
well, we've got the best tacos
in town.

1210
01:05:10,680 --> 01:05:12,840
Just take a picture of the tacos
and they'll sell.

1211
01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:16,200
And it's like they won't sell if
nobody sees it, right?

1212
01:05:16,360 --> 01:05:16,920
You know what?
I.

1213
01:05:16,960 --> 01:05:19,840
Mean right when everything's so
like quick on social media, like

1214
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:22,760
you're not are people like
sometimes you're not even really

1215
01:05:22,760 --> 01:05:23,920
reading what you're going
through.

1216
01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:25,320
You're just mindlessly
scrolling.

1217
01:05:25,320 --> 01:05:28,720
So if you don't get somebody's
attention within those 3 seconds

1218
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:32,880
that they stop and see the hook
on your screen, well, you're

1219
01:05:32,880 --> 01:05:36,160
just going to get lost in that
infinite scroll of how many,

1220
01:05:36,160 --> 01:05:38,080
many miles you're scrolling that
day.

1221
01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:43,240
You know, she's people got to
pull your story and different

1222
01:05:43,240 --> 01:05:45,040
hooks and points.
Don't be repetitive.

1223
01:05:45,080 --> 01:05:47,720
I don't think, guys, I think
that's a lot of times like when

1224
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:50,000
I talk to clients, like and
they're trying to get their

1225
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:51,640
personal story out there.
They don't want to be like

1226
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:57,280
trauma dumping or seeming
repetitive in their feed.

1227
01:05:57,280 --> 01:05:59,760
Like, yeah, we get it.
You went through this or you

1228
01:05:59,760 --> 01:06:01,640
went through that.
Like, I think that's something

1229
01:06:01,640 --> 01:06:04,600
that makes people kind of like
go back into their shell a

1230
01:06:04,600 --> 01:06:07,560
little bit because they don't
want to ever seem like they're

1231
01:06:07,560 --> 01:06:10,680
capitalizing on their trauma.
You know, I, I think, and I

1232
01:06:10,680 --> 01:06:13,960
think that's a hard, that's a
hard hill to get over for

1233
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:15,520
people.
But I, I don't ever want

1234
01:06:15,520 --> 01:06:18,680
somebody to feel like we're ever
trying to capitalize on your

1235
01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:19,720
trauma.
We're just trying to find

1236
01:06:19,720 --> 01:06:22,360
something that connects you to
everybody else.

1237
01:06:22,360 --> 01:06:25,960
You know, like we're, we all
struggle with something and

1238
01:06:25,960 --> 01:06:28,440
that's going to be the
difference of whether you buy

1239
01:06:28,440 --> 01:06:30,280
this or that, you know?
Yeah.

1240
01:06:30,280 --> 01:06:32,520
So finding that.
And the and the ones that are

1241
01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:35,440
thinking that they're probably
not, if they're not resonating

1242
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:37,440
with the message, they're not
your target audience anyway.

1243
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:39,760
Exactly so exactly.
Particular matter, yeah.

1244
01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:44,200
And that's kind of the, the, the
crux of it is that the, the

1245
01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:47,440
comfort often leads from
realizing how little

1246
01:06:47,440 --> 01:06:50,120
significance you truly have
outside of your immediate

1247
01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:53,280
impact.
Like you are really important as

1248
01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:57,080
a mom, you're significant.
You're a little bit less

1249
01:06:57,080 --> 01:07:02,240
important as a niece, you're way
less important as a neighbor,

1250
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:05,240
you're less important than as
somebody lives in Green Bay.

1251
01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:09,400
And then it gets to a bunch of
bunch of people that you've

1252
01:07:09,400 --> 01:07:11,480
never met in your life.
And they're, they'll see you one

1253
01:07:11,480 --> 01:07:13,440
time and then scroll through and
then they forget you.

1254
01:07:14,280 --> 01:07:15,000
And that's OK.
It's.

1255
01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:18,800
Going to it happened, but you
just I, I want to stand out, you

1256
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:21,320
know, but it's, it's hard.
I mean sometimes you'll put

1257
01:07:21,320 --> 01:07:24,520
hours into a post or a podcast
or whatever and you get like

1258
01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:27,680
like you're stuck in like the
200 view jail, you know, like,

1259
01:07:27,800 --> 01:07:31,320
and, and sometimes you put 2
minutes into a post and you go

1260
01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:35,800
viral like it's happened to me
before and it's just the way it

1261
01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:38,720
goes sometimes.
So when somebody comes to me and

1262
01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:41,760
they're like, well, I just want
to gain a lot of followers or I

1263
01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:44,920
just want my videos to be viral.
Like how do I get more viewers?

1264
01:07:44,920 --> 01:07:49,960
And I'm like, see, that's the
difference between like what I'm

1265
01:07:50,080 --> 01:07:51,560
striving for and what I'm not
striving for.

1266
01:07:51,560 --> 01:07:57,880
I'm not going into this
marketing thing to go viral or

1267
01:07:57,880 --> 01:08:01,880
get a bunch of followers.
I could care less about that.

1268
01:08:01,880 --> 01:08:05,800
Like I just want people to hear
you and I want you to feel seen

1269
01:08:05,800 --> 01:08:08,440
within your brand.
And if you go viral, cool.

1270
01:08:08,440 --> 01:08:10,320
You know, like that's fun once
in a while.

1271
01:08:10,320 --> 01:08:12,280
It's kind of something like a
little, you know, like every

1272
01:08:12,280 --> 01:08:15,240
once in a while, like when one
post gets a bunch of views or

1273
01:08:15,240 --> 01:08:17,640
whatever, it's just kind of a
little treat I guess.

1274
01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:22,840
But it's, I would much rather
buy into a business that really

1275
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:28,240
cares about who they are and
their brand and their why versus

1276
01:08:28,240 --> 01:08:34,240
somebody just trying to just hit
the next viral trend or put a

1277
01:08:34,240 --> 01:08:37,279
trending audio on it.
Like you're just kind of falling

1278
01:08:37,279 --> 01:08:39,800
into that.
Like you'll see the same, that's

1279
01:08:39,840 --> 01:08:41,800
that's what a trend is.
You'll see the same thing over

1280
01:08:41,800 --> 01:08:44,479
and over and over again.
I'm not going to remember any

1281
01:08:44,760 --> 01:08:48,080
specific video, none of it that
I watch from that.

1282
01:08:48,080 --> 01:08:50,840
Absolutely, I'm not going to, I
don't want to buy into that.

1283
01:08:50,840 --> 01:08:52,840
So maybe we're not a good fit
then if you're just trying to go

1284
01:08:52,840 --> 01:08:54,640
viral.
I'm just trying to make your

1285
01:08:54,640 --> 01:08:57,720
content feel like you.
Well, it's a Simon Cynic thing,

1286
01:08:57,720 --> 01:08:59,359
right?
It's start with the Y.

1287
01:08:59,399 --> 01:09:01,319
Yeah, exactly.
And then everything else comes

1288
01:09:01,319 --> 01:09:02,160
along.
With it.

1289
01:09:02,160 --> 01:09:04,080
But people want to skip that
step all the time.

1290
01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:08,240
And that's just that's like
life, like people want to skip

1291
01:09:08,240 --> 01:09:10,640
the hard part and just get to
the good part.

1292
01:09:11,240 --> 01:09:15,080
Yeah, exactly, exactly it all.
Everything is all the same.

1293
01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:17,479
And they just don't.
It's just not like that.

1294
01:09:17,479 --> 01:09:19,200
I wish it was like that, but you
don't.

1295
01:09:19,200 --> 01:09:22,960
That's not how you build a brand
and awareness, you know, So

1296
01:09:22,960 --> 01:09:26,840
that's, that's kind of my my
goal around marketing as I build

1297
01:09:26,840 --> 01:09:29,840
myself up here.
I'm not trying to cool if you go

1298
01:09:29,840 --> 01:09:33,120
viral, if you have, if you get
the blue verified check mark,

1299
01:09:33,319 --> 01:09:35,840
that's exciting, you know, like
in the social media world, but

1300
01:09:35,840 --> 01:09:38,120
like like, as they say, like is
it going to be on your

1301
01:09:38,120 --> 01:09:40,520
gravestone when you die?
No, you're not going to have the

1302
01:09:40,520 --> 01:09:42,640
blue verified check mark on your
gravestone.

1303
01:09:42,640 --> 01:09:45,359
It doesn't matter.
But if you told your story and

1304
01:09:45,359 --> 01:09:48,560
you like helped a couple people,
you'll be remembered as that,

1305
01:09:48,840 --> 01:09:52,359
you know, like, and that's kind
of like my mindset going into it

1306
01:09:52,359 --> 01:09:54,480
all because I, I would, I wanted
that for myself.

1307
01:09:54,480 --> 01:09:57,920
Like I wanted to be remembered
for more than just something

1308
01:09:58,720 --> 01:10:00,760
superficial.
I mean, we all go through labels

1309
01:10:00,840 --> 01:10:04,600
throughout our life and things
people attach you as like when I

1310
01:10:04,600 --> 01:10:06,800
was younger, Oh, she's a girl
with an eating disorder.

1311
01:10:07,200 --> 01:10:10,360
Oh, you're the power lifter.
Like it, it kind of evolved

1312
01:10:10,520 --> 01:10:13,160
throughout my life.
But none of that has to do with

1313
01:10:13,160 --> 01:10:16,640
going viral, you know?
And that's a yeah, that's a cool

1314
01:10:16,640 --> 01:10:19,640
question to ask your individual
social media success.

1315
01:10:20,080 --> 01:10:22,960
What was the like?
What direction was it?

1316
01:10:22,960 --> 01:10:26,720
What did you start making
content and then it resonated?

1317
01:10:27,040 --> 01:10:30,400
Or did you just have something
you wanted to get out and then

1318
01:10:30,400 --> 01:10:32,000
you're like, oh Dang, people
kind of like this?

1319
01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:34,280
That's my story, OK, Yeah, it
started.

1320
01:10:34,640 --> 01:10:36,440
So.
So you just wanted to tell your

1321
01:10:36,440 --> 01:10:39,440
story without any intention of
anybody even wanted to hear.

1322
01:10:39,440 --> 01:10:41,680
You just had to get it out.
And honestly, when I started

1323
01:10:41,680 --> 01:10:47,040
telling it, I mean it was
20/15/2016 and social media is a

1324
01:10:47,040 --> 01:10:48,600
lot different then than it is
now.

1325
01:10:48,600 --> 01:10:50,720
And it wasn't really about going
viral then.

1326
01:10:50,720 --> 01:10:53,680
It was Instagram was way
different then than it is now.

1327
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:55,440
Facebook was way different than
it is now.

1328
01:10:55,840 --> 01:10:59,680
I think people interacted more
on Facebook in 2015 and 2016.

1329
01:11:00,120 --> 01:11:02,520
Like that was the time for
Facebook and now I feel like

1330
01:11:02,520 --> 01:11:06,160
it's all Instagram.
So I just, I, I think I almost

1331
01:11:06,160 --> 01:11:09,640
use social media, not really to
be directed towards anybody

1332
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:13,320
else, but as more so like as a
space for myself to open up and,

1333
01:11:13,320 --> 01:11:17,640
and write can always get my
feelings out better in words.

1334
01:11:17,640 --> 01:11:22,040
And I just felt like being
vulnerable and having a space

1335
01:11:22,040 --> 01:11:25,560
that I can sit down and share
and type my feelings out.

1336
01:11:25,560 --> 01:11:29,480
And there was of course there's
posts that go by and nobody

1337
01:11:29,720 --> 01:11:33,240
interacts whatever.
But then people started

1338
01:11:33,400 --> 01:11:35,760
interacting a little bit more
and more and more.

1339
01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:39,160
And I, I realized that my
day-to-day thoughts, like I'm

1340
01:11:39,160 --> 01:11:43,360
not alone in them and sharing
those, you'd have so many people

1341
01:11:43,360 --> 01:11:45,960
that would come across in the
direct messages and be like, I

1342
01:11:46,320 --> 01:11:49,160
like, thank you for sharing.
Even though I felt really dumb

1343
01:11:49,160 --> 01:11:51,800
posting it at the time.
There's somebody out there who

1344
01:11:51,800 --> 01:11:55,320
also struggling with it, who
needs to see it, like it.

1345
01:11:55,320 --> 01:11:57,680
It's kind of like the saying
like everything is content.

1346
01:11:57,760 --> 01:11:59,640
Like literally everything is
content every.

1347
01:11:59,640 --> 01:12:02,480
Yeah, the Gary Vee thing.
Yeah, like every thought that I

1348
01:12:02,480 --> 01:12:05,800
have, I'm sure somebody else has
probably had that too.

1349
01:12:05,800 --> 01:12:08,800
And maybe somebody else is just
waiting for somebody else to say

1350
01:12:08,800 --> 01:12:11,160
it to be seen.
You know, like that was one

1351
01:12:11,160 --> 01:12:14,760
really big thing in my recovery
was reassurance.

1352
01:12:15,200 --> 01:12:20,360
And social media can be, it can
be destructive, but it can also

1353
01:12:20,360 --> 01:12:25,360
be a Center for Peace.
I have found peace in social

1354
01:12:25,360 --> 01:12:28,920
media, in recovery with
following the right accounts.

1355
01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:32,920
There's going to be accounts out
there that just promote the

1356
01:12:32,920 --> 01:12:36,600
wrong things, the toxic diet
culture, the GLP ones, the

1357
01:12:37,640 --> 01:12:42,800
unrealistic views of life that
can just kind of send you into a

1358
01:12:42,800 --> 01:12:45,640
downward spiral.
But I think that surrounding

1359
01:12:45,640 --> 01:12:49,000
myself with content that was
reassuring.

1360
01:12:49,000 --> 01:12:53,520
I mean, it was girls maybe who
had similar body types or went

1361
01:12:53,520 --> 01:12:57,360
through similar things like just
not feeling alone, even though

1362
01:12:57,800 --> 01:12:59,720
you'll never meet those people
in real life.

1363
01:12:59,840 --> 01:13:03,000
Like you feel seen online.
And if I'm being honest, I think

1364
01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:06,560
I felt seen online more than I
ever did in my whole life.

1365
01:13:06,560 --> 01:13:09,920
Like in person, I, I think I
have more friends online than I

1366
01:13:09,920 --> 01:13:11,960
do in person.
And I'm, I'm OK with that.

1367
01:13:12,440 --> 01:13:15,880
Like I'm a small circle person,
but I just, I, I felt seen when

1368
01:13:15,880 --> 01:13:20,080
I started following the right
things and filtering out the

1369
01:13:20,080 --> 01:13:24,520
stuff that I didn't need to see.
Cause for most of my young life,

1370
01:13:24,520 --> 01:13:29,200
it was me creating inspiration
boards of what I wanted to look

1371
01:13:29,200 --> 01:13:31,200
like.
And why don't I look like her

1372
01:13:31,200 --> 01:13:34,360
And just just seeing all the
wrong things.

1373
01:13:34,360 --> 01:13:37,760
Like realizing that I have
control over what I see to a

1374
01:13:37,760 --> 01:13:39,600
degree, right?
Like there's going to always be

1375
01:13:39,600 --> 01:13:42,680
like, there's going to be stuff
that pops up on your feed that's

1376
01:13:42,680 --> 01:13:46,120
not going to be the healthiest.
Just, it's just going to happen,

1377
01:13:46,160 --> 01:13:48,720
you know?
But I'm further along in my

1378
01:13:48,720 --> 01:13:50,520
journey now that I know how to
separate.

1379
01:13:51,080 --> 01:13:52,800
Instead of wanting to be
something else, you want to be

1380
01:13:52,800 --> 01:13:54,200
the best you.
Right, right.

1381
01:13:54,360 --> 01:14:01,320
But following people that also
share that and make me feel

1382
01:14:01,680 --> 01:14:06,320
normal, I guess I mean, for like
a lot of when I was growing up,

1383
01:14:06,320 --> 01:14:09,640
it was when you sit down your,
your belly folds over.

1384
01:14:09,640 --> 01:14:11,640
That's not normal Cellulite, not
normal.

1385
01:14:11,640 --> 01:14:14,080
Like those were things that like
don't sound like a big deal to

1386
01:14:14,080 --> 01:14:16,680
somebody else, but like they
were a very, very big deal for

1387
01:14:16,680 --> 01:14:18,480
me, like life or death, big
deal.

1388
01:14:18,760 --> 01:14:22,400
I would rather have probably
died than gained weight or had

1389
01:14:22,400 --> 01:14:24,040
Cellulite or any of those
things.

1390
01:14:24,040 --> 01:14:28,800
But as I grew as a person and in
my own journey, seeing other

1391
01:14:28,800 --> 01:14:32,640
people be vulnerable and post
about those things online, like

1392
01:14:32,640 --> 01:14:34,760
yes, I do have this or I do have
that.

1393
01:14:34,760 --> 01:14:37,800
I don't have a flat stomach.
I'm still happy, I'm still

1394
01:14:37,800 --> 01:14:40,640
healthy.
Like that was reassurance for

1395
01:14:40,640 --> 01:14:42,840
me.
And it like that kind of was my

1396
01:14:42,840 --> 01:14:45,880
that hit home thing.
Like I always say that doesn't

1397
01:14:45,880 --> 01:14:47,320
matter what anybody else thinks
of me.

1398
01:14:47,320 --> 01:14:51,080
It's what I think of me.
But still seeing it from other

1399
01:14:51,080 --> 01:14:54,240
people like that I'm not alone
in feeling like that.

1400
01:14:54,240 --> 01:14:58,840
I think helped me slowly build
confidence over time and just

1401
01:14:59,120 --> 01:15:03,360
shifting what I thought was
reality versus what is not.

1402
01:15:03,360 --> 01:15:06,520
So having seeing other people
have the courage to share like

1403
01:15:06,520 --> 01:15:10,480
what's reality and what's not
was was huge for me.

1404
01:15:10,480 --> 01:15:14,600
And I think that kind of bled
into me sharing my own story on

1405
01:15:14,600 --> 01:15:17,200
social media was like, this is
this is real.

1406
01:15:17,200 --> 01:15:21,600
Like these day in the life
vlogs, you're going to Target,

1407
01:15:21,600 --> 01:15:23,560
you're getting Starbucks, you're
doing all these things all day,

1408
01:15:23,560 --> 01:15:25,240
every day.
Like that's some people's norm.

1409
01:15:25,640 --> 01:15:29,080
And it's really easy to like
fall into that self comparison

1410
01:15:29,560 --> 01:15:32,840
trap when you're watching those
like, that's not my norm.

1411
01:15:33,320 --> 01:15:38,120
So just following people that
are like you, I think can

1412
01:15:38,120 --> 01:15:40,720
contribute a lot to even how you
look at yourself.

1413
01:15:40,720 --> 01:15:44,360
I mean I'm a lot happier now
that I follow accounts that make

1414
01:15:44,360 --> 01:15:50,920
me feel seen and I can relate to
and just know that what I'm how

1415
01:15:50,960 --> 01:15:53,360
I'm living is very normal.
Yeah, absolutely.

1416
01:15:53,720 --> 01:15:57,440
And there's so much power in
that because people are

1417
01:15:57,440 --> 01:16:00,480
reluctant to tell our stories
for a lot of different reasons.

1418
01:16:01,080 --> 01:16:04,240
But I I see that as the
difference between like an

1419
01:16:04,240 --> 01:16:08,200
aspirational follow versus a
communal follow.

1420
01:16:08,200 --> 01:16:09,920
People only post their highlight
reels.

1421
01:16:10,520 --> 01:16:13,280
Very true, like.
Yeah, they only like people.

1422
01:16:13,520 --> 01:16:16,360
I don't want to see, like the
best of your best all the time.

1423
01:16:16,360 --> 01:16:18,840
Like, that doesn't make me feel
seen, you know?

1424
01:16:18,840 --> 01:16:22,000
Like, I want to know, like, what
makes you struggle?

1425
01:16:22,000 --> 01:16:25,160
Like, I think that's important.
And I think other businesses

1426
01:16:25,160 --> 01:16:28,640
could also not capitalize on it.
But when you're approaching

1427
01:16:28,640 --> 01:16:32,880
social media like you don't want
to just show your highlight

1428
01:16:32,880 --> 01:16:35,360
reels, it's.
It boils down to authenticity.

1429
01:16:35,400 --> 01:16:36,720
Exactly.
Exactly.

1430
01:16:37,120 --> 01:16:40,680
And I, I mean, that was the
knock on Instagram for a long

1431
01:16:40,680 --> 01:16:42,480
time, right?
Instagram kind of brought the

1432
01:16:42,480 --> 01:16:45,400
filters in.
They, they changed a lot of

1433
01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:47,600
things.
I I love the direction that

1434
01:16:47,600 --> 01:16:52,600
social media went as far as like
follower count doesn't matter

1435
01:16:52,600 --> 01:16:54,880
virtually anymore.
Like, I mean, you can even hide

1436
01:16:54,880 --> 01:16:57,440
the likes on your post now.
Like, yeah, they've, they've

1437
01:16:57,440 --> 01:16:58,560
and.
People are almost doing it as a

1438
01:16:58,560 --> 01:17:01,720
tactic I think, because I think
I've I've read some stuff about

1439
01:17:01,720 --> 01:17:04,400
people are more apt to like when
you hide it because they don't

1440
01:17:04,400 --> 01:17:06,040
know how many are there.
Right.

1441
01:17:06,040 --> 01:17:08,760
Like somebody can see that you
liked that and you don't want to

1442
01:17:08,760 --> 01:17:11,280
be judged for liking that or
something like that, you know?

1443
01:17:11,480 --> 01:17:13,480
Yeah.
Yeah, there's certainly a mental

1444
01:17:13,480 --> 01:17:14,520
barrier there.
Yeah.

1445
01:17:14,880 --> 01:17:18,280
But the the most active and
engaged audience are the ones

1446
01:17:18,280 --> 01:17:20,080
that feel a community with you.
Yeah.

1447
01:17:20,360 --> 01:17:22,600
And the ones that resonate with
what you say.

1448
01:17:22,600 --> 01:17:27,120
And authenticity is really the
only way to get there at a grand

1449
01:17:27,120 --> 01:17:28,680
scale.
Well, it's hard now because you

1450
01:17:28,680 --> 01:17:32,720
can almost smell the ChatGPT on
like most people's posts now.

1451
01:17:32,720 --> 01:17:35,520
I mean, it's you can tell when
somebody uses it, when somebody

1452
01:17:35,520 --> 01:17:36,520
doesn't.
And it is a great tool.

1453
01:17:36,520 --> 01:17:38,440
Like I use it, everybody uses
it.

1454
01:17:38,440 --> 01:17:42,240
I'm sure everybody uses it, but
it's different than just copying

1455
01:17:42,240 --> 01:17:47,280
and pasting everything and
taking it at its core and kind

1456
01:17:47,280 --> 01:17:50,200
of dissecting it, you know, like
I think that's a useful way to

1457
01:17:50,200 --> 01:17:53,440
use it versus just like give me
content for the whole month.

1458
01:17:53,440 --> 01:17:57,360
Like that's my competitors
ChatGPT, you know, like cuz any

1459
01:17:57,360 --> 01:18:00,040
business can go online and
create an account and ChatGPT

1460
01:18:00,040 --> 01:18:02,840
and create up with a content
plan for the month, but they

1461
01:18:02,840 --> 01:18:07,560
don't ChatGPT doesn't know your
story and your brand and your

1462
01:18:07,560 --> 01:18:09,560
struggle.
So I think that's that's the

1463
01:18:09,560 --> 01:18:11,360
difference.
Yeah, can't hold a camera

1464
01:18:11,360 --> 01:18:12,000
either.
A smile.

1465
01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:13,520
Good.
Yeah, right, right.

1466
01:18:13,520 --> 01:18:18,040
But it is, it's kind of like the
GLP ones of marketing right now

1467
01:18:18,040 --> 01:18:19,240
is it's.
Our theme today?

1468
01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:21,920
I think it.
Really is, yet everything comes

1469
01:18:21,920 --> 01:18:25,400
back down to those damn GLP
ones.

1470
01:18:25,400 --> 01:18:27,160
I'm sick of hearing about them.
Me too.

1471
01:18:27,360 --> 01:18:31,280
Me too.
I, I hold a lot of animosity

1472
01:18:31,280 --> 01:18:34,840
towards the ability to market
pharmaceuticals.

1473
01:18:34,840 --> 01:18:37,560
I I think it's a terrible thing
for society, one of two

1474
01:18:37,560 --> 01:18:39,840
countries that do it in the
world and that I think there's a

1475
01:18:39,840 --> 01:18:41,800
very valid reason for not doing
it.

1476
01:18:42,800 --> 01:18:45,440
And this is a prime example of
it.

1477
01:18:45,720 --> 01:18:48,800
Like, of course there are
instances that it's a great

1478
01:18:48,800 --> 01:18:51,640
thing for someone, but that
shouldn't be learned in a

1479
01:18:51,640 --> 01:18:53,480
commercial.
It should be.

1480
01:18:53,520 --> 01:18:59,600
It should be learned in a much
more authentic and a much more

1481
01:19:00,680 --> 01:19:03,440
productive way.
Well, and I'm just, I'm worried

1482
01:19:03,440 --> 01:19:08,240
for our youth honestly, like
seeing how much of it is out

1483
01:19:08,240 --> 01:19:09,640
there.
Now of seeing the cycle come

1484
01:19:09,640 --> 01:19:11,440
back that you were talking about
earlier.

1485
01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:14,040
That's what I'm that's what I'm
more worried about now.

1486
01:19:14,040 --> 01:19:18,400
I'm seeing how like it's every
other commercial and it's on the

1487
01:19:18,400 --> 01:19:21,480
news pretty much every morning.
Like somebody's on Good Morning

1488
01:19:21,480 --> 01:19:23,760
America, somebody's talking
about it on Good Day Wisconsin,

1489
01:19:23,760 --> 01:19:27,200
somebody's talking about it.
Like it just, it's just always

1490
01:19:27,200 --> 01:19:28,240
there.
And you can't.

1491
01:19:28,240 --> 01:19:31,240
I don't ever want to shelter my
children because this is just

1492
01:19:31,240 --> 01:19:35,000
like, this is the real world.
But like, as a parent, how do I,

1493
01:19:36,280 --> 01:19:39,000
how do I navigate that?
You know, but I think going

1494
01:19:39,000 --> 01:19:41,760
through what I went through, I
have different ways of

1495
01:19:41,760 --> 01:19:44,920
navigating than somebody who
hasn't maybe in approaching

1496
01:19:44,920 --> 01:19:46,800
those conversations more
delicately.

1497
01:19:47,240 --> 01:19:50,640
But it's just, it's kind of
scary to live in this time where

1498
01:19:50,640 --> 01:19:52,760
everything is just handed to you
on a silver platter.

1499
01:19:52,760 --> 01:19:56,160
And it's just teaching that you
don't have to necessarily work

1500
01:19:56,160 --> 01:19:59,440
hard to get results.
Like I don't like that.

1501
01:19:59,440 --> 01:20:02,920
Like I'm a really hard work
driven person.

1502
01:20:02,920 --> 01:20:06,400
Like I, I love the grind and I
live for the grind.

1503
01:20:06,400 --> 01:20:08,320
And I don't want to see that go
away.

1504
01:20:08,320 --> 01:20:12,240
And I want my kids to also work
hard for what they have to just

1505
01:20:12,240 --> 01:20:17,040
so to see that kind of like go
down on the totem pole as we get

1506
01:20:17,160 --> 01:20:19,560
further along in society, It's
just, it's it's kind of sad.

1507
01:20:20,160 --> 01:20:22,320
We're just lazy.
Yeah, we're just lazy.

1508
01:20:22,360 --> 01:20:25,360
That's just all there's to it.
Yeah, we don't like to start the

1509
01:20:25,360 --> 01:20:28,560
snowball at the at the top of
the mountain, that's for sure.

1510
01:20:28,560 --> 01:20:31,680
And there there's a lot of a lot
of mental barriers that get

1511
01:20:31,680 --> 01:20:35,400
between people and their goals
by just not starting or quitting

1512
01:20:35,680 --> 01:20:38,800
too early.
Quitting is always easy in the

1513
01:20:38,880 --> 01:20:44,240
in the moment, but it never.
Well, nothing's absolute.

1514
01:20:44,280 --> 01:20:47,880
There are things we should quit
in life at different times, but

1515
01:20:49,200 --> 01:20:56,840
as far as like a structure or a
path that you're on, if you're

1516
01:20:56,840 --> 01:20:59,720
going to quit, hopefully the
reason is justified or it's

1517
01:20:59,720 --> 01:21:04,480
something that you want, like
you should quit.

1518
01:21:04,480 --> 01:21:05,800
You know what I mean?
It's.

1519
01:21:05,800 --> 01:21:09,080
Kind of nebulous to say.
It's really like, you know, like

1520
01:21:09,080 --> 01:21:10,800
I'm standing on a mountaintop or
whatever.

1521
01:21:11,120 --> 01:21:14,160
But don't quit because it's
hard.

1522
01:21:14,200 --> 01:21:17,640
Quit because it's either bad or
you change the direction you

1523
01:21:17,640 --> 01:21:20,600
want to go or something.
Don't quit because like, today's

1524
01:21:20,600 --> 01:21:22,240
going to be tough.
Right, Right.

1525
01:21:22,240 --> 01:21:25,440
I yeah, I, I fully agree with
that.

1526
01:21:25,440 --> 01:21:28,360
Like, if I am quitting something
like when I put my personal

1527
01:21:28,360 --> 01:21:31,440
training to rest, like that
wasn't just like an overnight

1528
01:21:31,440 --> 01:21:32,840
decision.
I mean, that's something that I

1529
01:21:32,840 --> 01:21:35,360
wrestled with for a really long
time.

1530
01:21:35,360 --> 01:21:37,720
Like is this serving me right
now?

1531
01:21:37,720 --> 01:21:39,920
Like there's going to be seasons
of anything that you do where

1532
01:21:39,920 --> 01:21:42,880
something's serving you a little
bit more on some days and it's

1533
01:21:42,880 --> 01:21:45,280
not.
But like overall, like is thus

1534
01:21:45,280 --> 01:21:48,320
adding to my life or is it
taking away and I'll really

1535
01:21:48,320 --> 01:21:50,640
think hard about something
before I even quit.

1536
01:21:50,640 --> 01:21:52,920
I don't even like to say quit
because if you tried.

1537
01:21:52,920 --> 01:21:55,520
Stop doing it if.
You tried, you didn't not really

1538
01:21:55,680 --> 01:21:58,600
quit, you know, because you, you
actually, you gave it a try.

1539
01:21:59,120 --> 01:22:01,080
So that's kind of how I look at
that too, yeah.

1540
01:22:01,240 --> 01:22:05,920
Yeah, likes a wild ride, my
friend, so.

1541
01:22:06,080 --> 01:22:09,120
They got a lot of life to live.
Yeah, you do.

1542
01:22:09,480 --> 01:22:12,280
And some other lives to support.
Do you know if it's a boy or a

1543
01:22:12,280 --> 01:22:12,920
girl?
It's a boy.

1544
01:22:13,160 --> 01:22:13,800
It's a boy.
OK.

1545
01:22:13,800 --> 01:22:15,240
And what's your other one?
She's a girl.

1546
01:22:15,240 --> 01:22:18,080
OK, so you did one of you.
Find out with her and.

1547
01:22:18,080 --> 01:22:19,680
You came.
You did it as a surprise.

1548
01:22:19,680 --> 01:22:23,040
You did a surprise.
Yep, that was more my husband's

1549
01:22:23,040 --> 01:22:23,600
push.
Me.

1550
01:22:23,680 --> 01:22:25,880
It was more my husband's push
than me.

1551
01:22:26,440 --> 01:22:29,840
I'm very Type A planner.
I wanted to know to get all of

1552
01:22:29,840 --> 01:22:35,080
the things ready and, you know,
just have it all geared towards

1553
01:22:35,080 --> 01:22:38,520
girl.
And I, I don't know, he pushed

1554
01:22:38,520 --> 01:22:39,640
me.
I kept it a secret.

1555
01:22:39,640 --> 01:22:40,880
We, well, I didn't keep it a
secret.

1556
01:22:40,880 --> 01:22:42,800
We kept it a secret.
We didn't know the whole time.

1557
01:22:42,800 --> 01:22:45,760
And I was, I think I, I really
wanted a girl.

1558
01:22:45,760 --> 01:22:49,040
I mean, as a, as a girl, like,
we all want a girl like moms,

1559
01:22:49,080 --> 01:22:52,040
you know.
So I think because of that, I

1560
01:22:52,040 --> 01:22:53,520
convinced myself that it was a
boy.

1561
01:22:54,240 --> 01:22:57,840
So when she came out and my
husband's like, we have a, a

1562
01:22:57,840 --> 01:23:00,720
Lily.
I'm like, no, like it was just,

1563
01:23:00,960 --> 01:23:03,880
yeah, yeah.
Like, it just didn't feel real.

1564
01:23:03,880 --> 01:23:06,640
But this time around is just
different because you already

1565
01:23:06,640 --> 01:23:07,840
have one.
You want to know, do you got to

1566
01:23:07,840 --> 01:23:09,760
buy a whole new set of clothes?
Like, just.

1567
01:23:09,760 --> 01:23:12,200
It's a different, like, form of
preparation.

1568
01:23:12,200 --> 01:23:14,000
So I got my way this time when
we found out.

1569
01:23:14,160 --> 01:23:15,520
Yeah.
Yeah.

1570
01:23:15,560 --> 01:23:18,320
Yeah, we found out right away.
There's no way I could have, I

1571
01:23:18,320 --> 01:23:20,960
could have went the other way.
I would have been way too

1572
01:23:20,960 --> 01:23:24,600
curious.
And it's like kind of a preparer

1573
01:23:24,600 --> 01:23:26,320
to.
And if I'm being honest, I don't

1574
01:23:26,320 --> 01:23:28,640
know if there's some of your
listeners might resonate with

1575
01:23:28,640 --> 01:23:31,640
this.
Like I, I didn't have gender

1576
01:23:31,640 --> 01:23:33,680
disappointment.
I would say when I found out was

1577
01:23:33,680 --> 01:23:36,440
a boy, it would just, it just
kind of like, like rocked me

1578
01:23:36,440 --> 01:23:42,640
emotionally a little bit because
of how I viewed men and boys

1579
01:23:42,640 --> 01:23:45,440
most of my life.
I mean, most of the bullying

1580
01:23:45,560 --> 01:23:48,440
from my younger years came from
men.

1581
01:23:48,440 --> 01:23:54,480
And there was a gentleman that I
had a relationship with in like

1582
01:23:54,480 --> 01:24:00,880
my younger years who turned out
to be not so great of a human.

1583
01:24:00,880 --> 01:24:05,320
I mean like like murdered his
parents type of human.

1584
01:24:06,560 --> 01:24:10,160
So that it it, it kind of
shifted the way that I think

1585
01:24:10,160 --> 01:24:13,960
about men, like not putting like
a stereotype out there, like

1586
01:24:13,960 --> 01:24:17,440
regarding that, but just how am
I like that's a huge

1587
01:24:17,440 --> 01:24:21,320
responsibility, like to raise
like a man in this world.

1588
01:24:21,320 --> 01:24:24,640
Like it's a huge responsibility
to raise a, a girl too.

1589
01:24:24,640 --> 01:24:28,480
But like men just have it hard,
you know?

1590
01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:32,360
Like I think that they're just
not taken as seriously.

1591
01:24:32,360 --> 01:24:36,200
Their emotions don't matter.
And everything that I went

1592
01:24:36,200 --> 01:24:40,960
through and how they treated me
like it just, I don't know, Like

1593
01:24:40,960 --> 01:24:44,920
I just, I felt a certain type of
way a little bit like when we

1594
01:24:44,920 --> 01:24:48,400
found out it was a boy, like I
was obviously so excited and so

1595
01:24:48,400 --> 01:24:52,600
grateful and so blessed, but I
was still like, am I meant to be

1596
01:24:53,080 --> 01:24:55,760
a boy mom?
Like after everything that I I

1597
01:24:55,760 --> 01:24:59,040
went through with.
You're probably more meant to be

1598
01:24:59,040 --> 01:25:02,240
a boy.
Well, and as I've gone through

1599
01:25:02,240 --> 01:25:06,520
this pregnancy and, like,
struggled with connecting to

1600
01:25:06,520 --> 01:25:12,160
him, as I get closer to the end,
like, I, I, I've formed that

1601
01:25:12,160 --> 01:25:14,080
connection now.
And I realized, like, all of

1602
01:25:14,080 --> 01:25:19,080
those things are the reason why
I was meant to be his mom, you

1603
01:25:19,080 --> 01:25:23,840
know, like, it was like God very
strategically placed him.

1604
01:25:24,840 --> 01:25:26,400
You know, it was, it was meant
to be.

1605
01:25:27,000 --> 01:25:28,720
Yeah.
So can we cut out the part about

1606
01:25:29,040 --> 01:25:31,680
that guy being murdering his
parents?

1607
01:25:33,560 --> 01:25:35,520
For you or for him?
Just in general?

1608
01:25:36,440 --> 01:25:38,080
Just in general.
We'll talk about it after the

1609
01:25:38,120 --> 01:25:40,320
episode.
Yeah, I was going to ask more

1610
01:25:40,320 --> 01:25:40,960
about it.
I won't.

1611
01:25:41,960 --> 01:25:44,080
OK.
I mean, we can talk about it

1612
01:25:44,080 --> 01:25:46,040
more if you.
Want I would love to OK, it's a

1613
01:25:46,240 --> 01:25:49,680
it's a sounds like a wild story.
And that's what I'm all about.

1614
01:25:50,360 --> 01:25:54,280
Real life is real life.
But first, let's finish up this

1615
01:25:54,280 --> 01:25:57,840
thought because that's a that's
a really heavy thing.

1616
01:25:57,840 --> 01:25:59,120
And I mean, you hit on a lot of
good things.

1617
01:25:59,120 --> 01:26:02,280
I mean, Jordan Peterson has an
audience for a reason, right?

1618
01:26:02,280 --> 01:26:04,440
Like he's been touting those
same things too.

1619
01:26:05,280 --> 01:26:11,680
And there certainly is relevance
to it about the shift has been

1620
01:26:11,680 --> 01:26:17,240
good to see in life like, you
know more comfortable with men

1621
01:26:17,440 --> 01:26:21,000
sharing emotions and and being
I'm I'm an emotional guy.

1622
01:26:21,000 --> 01:26:23,400
I always have been.
Yeah, yeah.

1623
01:26:23,680 --> 01:26:26,440
And luckily I've always been
comfortable with it.

1624
01:26:26,440 --> 01:26:29,680
Like, you know, So what if I if
I cry about something, I'm.

1625
01:26:29,680 --> 01:26:32,560
Feeling though, as society, like
it's for sure it's more

1626
01:26:32,720 --> 01:26:36,600
accepted, but yet there are
still like we still have that

1627
01:26:36,600 --> 01:26:39,640
generation of like we don't go
to therapy.

1628
01:26:39,640 --> 01:26:42,320
We don't talk about our feelings
like we are the man of the

1629
01:26:42,320 --> 01:26:45,640
household and we just absorb it
all.

1630
01:26:46,120 --> 01:26:49,320
And that's a big mean as a as
the mom.

1631
01:26:49,360 --> 01:26:53,960
Like I don't ever want my kids
to feel like they can or cannot

1632
01:26:54,240 --> 01:26:57,480
talk about something, you know,
and I think that has shifted as

1633
01:26:57,480 --> 01:27:02,280
we've gotten further along, but
it's still it's still the norm.

1634
01:27:02,280 --> 01:27:06,000
Like, a lot like you just don't.
Men don't want to go to therapy.

1635
01:27:06,520 --> 01:27:08,840
And there's a lot of human
nature elements to it, too.

1636
01:27:08,960 --> 01:27:09,560
Yeah, I agree.
I.

1637
01:27:09,560 --> 01:27:15,760
Agree like there it's almost
it's this invisible weight that

1638
01:27:16,280 --> 01:27:22,520
I think it's like it's you know,
it's built within dudes a lot

1639
01:27:22,680 --> 01:27:29,080
where like we force this
invisible weight on us for like

1640
01:27:29,840 --> 01:27:34,080
as as expectations that doesn't
particularly have to exist.

1641
01:27:34,080 --> 01:27:37,800
We're, we're guessing what other
people want and need from us,

1642
01:27:37,800 --> 01:27:38,080
right?
Right.

1643
01:27:38,360 --> 01:27:41,680
Instead of just asking what
people want, just.

1644
01:27:41,680 --> 01:27:43,720
Like the traditional gender
roles like and how you were

1645
01:27:43,720 --> 01:27:46,480
raised, I think that all plays a
part in it too.

1646
01:27:46,480 --> 01:27:49,560
Like you don't have to stick to
that, but like then that's all

1647
01:27:49,560 --> 01:27:52,600
you know.
Like it's almost like not until

1648
01:27:52,600 --> 01:27:55,080
you like get married, have a
family like that.

1649
01:27:55,080 --> 01:27:58,960
You see all your different
values like and how you how the

1650
01:27:58,960 --> 01:28:03,280
roles really like buried between
households like that's that's

1651
01:28:03,280 --> 01:28:05,000
kind of eye opening when you get
to that point.

1652
01:28:05,000 --> 01:28:06,640
But otherwise, how else do you
know?

1653
01:28:06,760 --> 01:28:09,080
Well, people's reaction to it is
really eye opening too.

1654
01:28:09,120 --> 01:28:11,720
Yeah, one of the things that I
used to laugh about so hard to

1655
01:28:11,720 --> 01:28:15,040
drive my wife nuts when he
doesn't want to come with me

1656
01:28:15,040 --> 01:28:17,200
anymore.
But when he was younger, Riv

1657
01:28:17,200 --> 01:28:18,560
would come grocery shopping with
me.

1658
01:28:18,560 --> 01:28:21,560
So I do all the grocery shopping
in 90% of the cooking.

1659
01:28:21,840 --> 01:28:22,640
Really.
Yeah.

1660
01:28:22,720 --> 01:28:25,800
OK, so I would I would be
trucking through the grocery

1661
01:28:25,800 --> 01:28:28,600
store with Riv and it's funny, I
started doing it just because I

1662
01:28:28,600 --> 01:28:30,800
wanted to spend more time with.
People comment on.

1663
01:28:30,800 --> 01:28:32,240
It oh so much.
I believe it.

1664
01:28:32,400 --> 01:28:34,560
So much.
And it was always the little old

1665
01:28:34,560 --> 01:28:36,240
ladies.
Exactly.

1666
01:28:36,440 --> 01:28:39,280
It was always the little old
ladies in the grocery store

1667
01:28:39,280 --> 01:28:41,320
telling me how good of a dad I.
Yeah, I know.

1668
01:28:41,400 --> 01:28:43,960
And you can see it come to light
that they didn't get to

1669
01:28:43,960 --> 01:28:44,960
experience that.
Yeah.

1670
01:28:45,320 --> 01:28:48,120
And it's so weird because when I
started doing it, like, I'm not

1671
01:28:48,120 --> 01:28:50,800
doing it for validation.
I'm doing it for two reasons.

1672
01:28:51,000 --> 01:28:54,200
One, my wife deserves a break
because she has been on I'm a

1673
01:28:54,200 --> 01:28:57,240
duty all week.
And two, I've been working all

1674
01:28:57,240 --> 01:28:59,000
week.
Like if this is something I have

1675
01:28:59,000 --> 01:29:01,640
to do, all right, dude's coming
because I'm going to spend time

1676
01:29:01,640 --> 01:29:03,360
with my son whenever I can,
right?

1677
01:29:03,800 --> 01:29:06,600
And like, I would come home and
I'd be like, oh, another little

1678
01:29:06,600 --> 01:29:08,720
old lady told me how good of a
dad I am.

1679
01:29:08,720 --> 01:29:10,960
You're pretty lucky.
And I would really just tug.

1680
01:29:10,960 --> 01:29:13,080
And cheek it, I know.
It would drive her nuts.

1681
01:29:13,080 --> 01:29:15,040
They.
They always like, I know when my

1682
01:29:15,040 --> 01:29:17,920
husband takes my daughter to the
grocery store, like people just

1683
01:29:18,680 --> 01:29:20,640
stare, you know, like what,
what?

1684
01:29:20,920 --> 01:29:23,800
But then it's also like, you'll
get the flip side of that.

1685
01:29:23,800 --> 01:29:26,480
Like I remember when I would
take when I was like freshly

1686
01:29:26,480 --> 01:29:29,400
postpartum, had no other choice
but to bring my daughter with me

1687
01:29:29,400 --> 01:29:32,800
to the grocery store and God
forbid she was crying.

1688
01:29:33,280 --> 01:29:39,040
All of those old ladies, like
just feel the need to interject

1689
01:29:39,040 --> 01:29:41,960
or throw their parenting advice
on you.

1690
01:29:41,960 --> 01:29:45,600
Like, why?
Why is that generation like

1691
01:29:45,600 --> 01:29:47,000
that?
And I think, I think that

1692
01:29:47,000 --> 01:29:51,880
generation still has roots
planted in like men today, like

1693
01:29:51,880 --> 01:29:55,520
in how they operate and look at
their feelings and like that

1694
01:29:55,840 --> 01:30:01,120
very rigid, like just tough
exterior, like you still see it,

1695
01:30:01,440 --> 01:30:04,280
you know, and it's just for
sure, it's, it's wild.

1696
01:30:04,320 --> 01:30:08,400
Yeah, I mean, that stuff has
tails, right?

1697
01:30:08,400 --> 01:30:10,640
Like it, it, it, it.
There's parts of it that

1698
01:30:10,640 --> 01:30:14,320
transfer that are blind spots
that that don't even know, you

1699
01:30:14,320 --> 01:30:17,000
know, that are impossible to
know just because it's like

1700
01:30:17,000 --> 01:30:19,600
learned behavior and then things
that we experienced.

1701
01:30:20,360 --> 01:30:23,240
But for sure, yeah.
There's so many things about

1702
01:30:23,240 --> 01:30:24,600
that that are funny to talk
about.

1703
01:30:24,600 --> 01:30:28,440
Like it it foggles my mind that
you have to worry about people

1704
01:30:28,440 --> 01:30:30,120
touching your stomach when
you're pregnant.

1705
01:30:30,120 --> 01:30:32,280
Like I don't think any, but most
people from our generation.

1706
01:30:32,280 --> 01:30:33,920
Audacity is wild.
It's crazy.

1707
01:30:33,920 --> 01:30:36,120
Yeah, I know.
And that must have been normal

1708
01:30:36,120 --> 01:30:38,080
at one time.
I think it must have had.

1709
01:30:38,080 --> 01:30:41,560
I mean, I don't other yeah.
But crazy to me to think about.

1710
01:30:41,560 --> 01:30:43,760
And like, the unsolicited
advice, like, those are the

1711
01:30:43,760 --> 01:30:47,040
things that just, like, are just
really triggering as a mom.

1712
01:30:47,040 --> 01:30:49,280
Like, you never know, You just
maybe said something to mom

1713
01:30:49,280 --> 01:30:51,720
who's struggling with severe
postpartum rage.

1714
01:30:51,720 --> 01:30:53,800
Like, watch out potentially.
Yeah.

1715
01:30:53,800 --> 01:30:56,120
You know, you just don't know.
And the advice ice might be

1716
01:30:56,120 --> 01:30:58,840
coming from someone that used to
spank their kid, right?

1717
01:30:58,920 --> 01:31:00,080
Or beat their kid.
Yeah.

1718
01:31:00,080 --> 01:31:03,720
And it's like you OK, who put
you on the pedestal?

1719
01:31:03,720 --> 01:31:05,600
Right?
Let me talk to your kid first.

1720
01:31:05,600 --> 01:31:08,560
Let me see how the experience.
Was really like tuned out

1721
01:31:08,560 --> 01:31:11,080
everybody else.
Like when I was was going

1722
01:31:11,080 --> 01:31:14,000
through the first time, like I
was on Reddit all the time.

1723
01:31:14,000 --> 01:31:16,480
I was trying to like know
everything.

1724
01:31:16,520 --> 01:31:18,360
I've been in the Reddit rabbit
hole, my friend.

1725
01:31:18,360 --> 01:31:22,720
Oh yeah, Yep.
But it's that was it got really

1726
01:31:22,760 --> 01:31:26,560
like triggering because and you
get like in the comparison trap

1727
01:31:26,560 --> 01:31:30,560
and why isn't my kid doing this?
And theirs is like, you know,

1728
01:31:30,560 --> 01:31:32,760
like it, it can get really
triggering that wave.

1729
01:31:32,760 --> 01:31:37,240
So I really just kind of just
let my own instincts take over

1730
01:31:37,240 --> 01:31:41,520
and it's just a heap less of
anxiety when you just stop

1731
01:31:41,520 --> 01:31:44,040
reading everything on the
Internet and just stop listening

1732
01:31:44,040 --> 01:31:47,640
to other people and just let
your kid be a kid and it's it's

1733
01:31:47,640 --> 01:31:49,920
going to be okay.
You know, like everything will

1734
01:31:49,920 --> 01:31:53,600
work out exactly how it's
supposed to. 99.9% of parenthood

1735
01:31:53,600 --> 01:31:56,920
is winging it for sure.
Like I read all of the books and

1736
01:31:56,920 --> 01:32:00,160
did all of the things before she
came and I don't remember

1737
01:32:00,320 --> 01:32:03,480
anything from it right?
Every kid is unique, right?

1738
01:32:03,640 --> 01:32:05,720
There's no It's a lot like
marketing.

1739
01:32:05,720 --> 01:32:08,720
Actually it.
Is there's no silver bullet

1740
01:32:09,120 --> 01:32:14,920
effective way to do things and
each human is inherently unique

1741
01:32:15,120 --> 01:32:20,320
and like as long as you stay
rooted in the foundation of I

1742
01:32:20,320 --> 01:32:23,400
just love this human and want to
support them in doing what they

1743
01:32:23,400 --> 01:32:25,800
want to do and just try to guide
them.

1744
01:32:25,800 --> 01:32:29,320
I want to be the the guardrails.
Of course, like there's certain

1745
01:32:29,320 --> 01:32:32,360
things a six month old you have
to keep them alive.

1746
01:32:32,840 --> 01:32:37,520
But you know, all I, all I am is
the guardrails to because when

1747
01:32:37,520 --> 01:32:40,360
you think about what you
remember from being a kid

1748
01:32:40,360 --> 01:32:43,600
towards your parents, you just
remember how you feel.

1749
01:32:43,600 --> 01:32:48,200
Maybe a couple little Nuggets of
wisdom here throughout, but for

1750
01:32:48,200 --> 01:32:51,040
the most part, it's just like,
how did I feel in this moment?

1751
01:32:51,160 --> 01:32:55,200
And now what do I want to do to
create a feeling that I hope he

1752
01:32:55,200 --> 01:32:56,280
has?
Yeah, yeah.

1753
01:32:56,280 --> 01:32:57,960
When you get home from the
hospital and you're like, no,

1754
01:32:58,520 --> 01:32:59,560
what?
It's just starting over.

1755
01:32:59,560 --> 01:33:01,600
Like everything that you
prepared yourself for is like.

1756
01:33:02,840 --> 01:33:04,560
I don't.
Know yeah, like we got to keep

1757
01:33:04,560 --> 01:33:06,200
this alive for the next 18
years.

1758
01:33:06,360 --> 01:33:07,920
OK.
Yeah, Godspeed.

1759
01:33:08,120 --> 01:33:10,280
Yeah.
And then just like the goofiest

1760
01:33:10,280 --> 01:33:12,880
things end up, like, being
effective that you never would

1761
01:33:12,880 --> 01:33:14,480
have guessed.
My wife and I were laughing

1762
01:33:14,480 --> 01:33:16,120
about something like this
earlier this week.

1763
01:33:16,120 --> 01:33:18,440
And it's funny because my son
asked me to do it to him because

1764
01:33:18,440 --> 01:33:22,160
obviously he couldn't remember.
But when he was, he's always,

1765
01:33:22,160 --> 01:33:24,920
when he was very little as a
baby, he would have a really

1766
01:33:24,920 --> 01:33:28,320
tough time when he got a stuffy
nose, couldn't sleep, and he

1767
01:33:28,320 --> 01:33:31,240
hated it.
He was very, very like

1768
01:33:32,080 --> 01:33:35,040
uncomfortable and would just it
would drive him nuts so he would

1769
01:33:35,040 --> 01:33:37,560
never sleep.
And one of the things I ended up

1770
01:33:37,560 --> 01:33:41,920
calling it the WAVY gravy.
And at night when he was when he

1771
01:33:41,920 --> 01:33:45,560
was sick, one thing that would
end up soothing him is in in

1772
01:33:45,640 --> 01:33:48,040
arms.
I would swing him like he was on

1773
01:33:48,040 --> 01:33:49,920
this really aggressive swing
back and forth.

1774
01:33:49,920 --> 01:33:53,080
And it's one of the things that
would give him like like ease

1775
01:33:53,080 --> 01:33:55,040
from whatever he was dealing
with that he didn't like.

1776
01:33:55,760 --> 01:33:58,240
And we were talking about the
WAVY gravy there.

1777
01:33:58,240 --> 01:34:00,080
And I've told him the story a
couple times in my life.

1778
01:34:00,080 --> 01:34:02,040
He's like, Dad, will you try the
WAVY gravy on me?

1779
01:34:02,040 --> 01:34:03,600
Because now he's a full grown
human.

1780
01:34:03,600 --> 01:34:06,320
Like he's talking and I'm like,
I don't know, buddy, you're

1781
01:34:06,360 --> 01:34:11,040
pretty big now, but you're like,
the WAVY gravy isn't in a book.

1782
01:34:11,040 --> 01:34:13,560
No one's going to tell you to
hurl your kid around the room.

1783
01:34:13,560 --> 01:34:15,000
It's.
Just something you find in times

1784
01:34:15,000 --> 01:34:18,040
of desperation, like just yeah,
it'll and it'll stick and you'll

1785
01:34:18,080 --> 01:34:20,680
carry it for that phase.
And then the next struggle will

1786
01:34:20,680 --> 01:34:23,200
come along and yeah, you'll
repeat that, yeah.

1787
01:34:23,200 --> 01:34:25,200
And an old lady's not going to
tell you in a grocery store.

1788
01:34:25,200 --> 01:34:27,520
I can't even remember the first
time I did it.

1789
01:34:27,520 --> 01:34:30,320
It was probably 3:00 in the
morning, just, like half awake,

1790
01:34:30,320 --> 01:34:32,280
trying to just have him be
comfortable.

1791
01:34:32,840 --> 01:34:33,840
Yeah.
And it turned into.

1792
01:34:33,840 --> 01:34:35,640
So funny.
That's that's literally

1793
01:34:35,640 --> 01:34:37,520
parenthood.
Yeah, it's great.

1794
01:34:37,600 --> 01:34:39,520
Yeah.
And so like when somebody asks

1795
01:34:39,560 --> 01:34:42,000
you for like, well, what do you
do in this situation?

1796
01:34:42,120 --> 01:34:44,760
Well, the WAVY gravy.
Yeah, the WAVY Gravy.

1797
01:34:44,840 --> 01:34:47,880
Yeah, I'll tell.
I'll tell some, you know 30 year

1798
01:34:47,880 --> 01:34:50,560
old dude, when I'm 70 in the
grocery store I'll be like, hey,

1799
01:34:50,600 --> 01:34:54,800
you ever try the WAVY Gravy?
It's great.

1800
01:34:54,800 --> 01:34:57,000
Oh yeah, actually I started
that.

1801
01:34:57,800 --> 01:34:59,480
I read about that.
It's awesome book.

1802
01:35:00,360 --> 01:35:03,040
OK, well we can cut it out if
you want, but I want to talk

1803
01:35:03,040 --> 01:35:06,000
about more about the guy who off
his parents.

1804
01:35:06,000 --> 01:35:07,480
Yeah.
So it sounds like that was like

1805
01:35:07,480 --> 01:35:09,440
a dating relationship type
thing.

1806
01:35:09,440 --> 01:35:13,320
I would say like more like puppy
love type thing like like middle

1807
01:35:13,320 --> 01:35:15,880
school ish.
You know, like when you're in

1808
01:35:15,880 --> 01:35:17,920
middle school that like, it's
not.

1809
01:35:18,000 --> 01:35:20,000
Lockers 3 door down.
I'm going to leave a note in.

1810
01:35:20,000 --> 01:35:22,520
Here like it's, it's like that,
but like you're, you know, your,

1811
01:35:23,040 --> 01:35:25,640
your emotions are so all over
the place in middle school.

1812
01:35:25,640 --> 01:35:29,080
So like in middle school, high
school, like when I was, you

1813
01:35:29,080 --> 01:35:32,600
know, interested in him like it
kind of becomes like you're,

1814
01:35:32,600 --> 01:35:34,560
you're like infatuated with it.
You know, it's like a puppy love

1815
01:35:34,560 --> 01:35:36,920
thing and.
And then how many years between

1816
01:35:36,920 --> 01:35:38,520
that and when he killed his
parents?

1817
01:35:38,520 --> 01:35:41,560
Oh.
God, this was 2023 and I

1818
01:35:41,560 --> 01:35:43,840
graduated in 2016.
Such a long time.

1819
01:35:44,120 --> 01:35:45,640
Oh.
Yeah, right, right.

1820
01:35:45,720 --> 01:35:49,880
But it's still, you know, this
is somebody that I knew all

1821
01:35:49,880 --> 01:35:53,880
through middle school, all
through high school, we were in

1822
01:35:53,880 --> 01:35:57,760
the same friend group, relations
with the family, you know, just,

1823
01:35:58,320 --> 01:36:00,960
we were just friends.
Is it one of those instances

1824
01:36:00,960 --> 01:36:04,280
where when it happened you were
like, I never saw it coming?

1825
01:36:04,360 --> 01:36:05,560
I threw up.
Yeah.

1826
01:36:05,920 --> 01:36:08,720
I threw up literally.
I mean, of course, you graduate

1827
01:36:08,720 --> 01:36:10,240
high school and we all kind of
go our separate ways.

1828
01:36:10,240 --> 01:36:13,520
I mean, I was in Plymouth, I
moved up to Green Bay, but I

1829
01:36:13,520 --> 01:36:16,480
mean, they all those people were
still a part of my life.

1830
01:36:16,480 --> 01:36:22,840
And it's it's kind of weird
because the same the same person

1831
01:36:22,840 --> 01:36:26,840
who I had a crush on in middle
school and high school and

1832
01:36:26,840 --> 01:36:32,920
whatever and had relationship
ish with was the same person

1833
01:36:33,480 --> 01:36:39,040
that really pushed me over the
edge during my worst times of my

1834
01:36:39,040 --> 01:36:43,160
eating disorder.
He really, really picked on me,

1835
01:36:44,080 --> 01:36:47,200
would touch me in an appropriate
places in school, commenting on

1836
01:36:47,200 --> 01:36:49,240
my body.
And this is when I was, you

1837
01:36:49,240 --> 01:36:55,360
know, 80 some pounds and would
make my life a living hell every

1838
01:36:55,360 --> 01:37:00,240
single day in high school,
despite our relationship back in

1839
01:37:00,920 --> 01:37:03,600
middle school and, you know, all
of that.

1840
01:37:03,600 --> 01:37:09,800
So I think my perspective of men
really changed during that time.

1841
01:37:12,040 --> 01:37:15,240
And so when we went our, you
know, graduated, went our

1842
01:37:15,240 --> 01:37:19,200
separate ways that kind of I cut
ties with him, obviously, like

1843
01:37:19,200 --> 01:37:22,160
when I went into treatment and
all of that, like I never really

1844
01:37:22,160 --> 01:37:24,080
like got a good footing back in
school.

1845
01:37:24,080 --> 01:37:25,880
Like just, it was just really
hard for me.

1846
01:37:26,600 --> 01:37:31,520
But you still the one like
person that I always thought

1847
01:37:31,520 --> 01:37:37,440
about that was that kind of like
broke me, you know, I mean, he

1848
01:37:37,440 --> 01:37:40,440
was the person I wrote my my
hate letters to in therapy.

1849
01:37:40,440 --> 01:37:43,600
Like I, I still have those and
it's, it's him on there.

1850
01:37:44,120 --> 01:37:49,880
So Fast forward to 2023, July of
2023, I think it was 2023.

1851
01:37:50,360 --> 01:37:54,880
I'm in the gym, I'm in between
sets and I'm on Facebook and I

1852
01:37:54,880 --> 01:37:58,120
see this, I see his mugshot pop
up.

1853
01:37:58,320 --> 01:38:03,960
And like it said he was in, it
was he was being suspected of

1854
01:38:04,080 --> 01:38:05,720
the disappearance of his
parents.

1855
01:38:06,440 --> 01:38:10,160
And I pull up the article and
I'm like, holy shit.

1856
01:38:10,160 --> 01:38:14,680
I I can't even like begin to
describe to you how I felt

1857
01:38:14,680 --> 01:38:16,520
during that time.
I went to the bathroom and I

1858
01:38:16,520 --> 01:38:20,280
threw up because it was just so
it just rocked my world like

1859
01:38:20,280 --> 01:38:21,960
that.
He was even just, this wasn't

1860
01:38:21,960 --> 01:38:26,240
confirmed or anything that he
was just, it was just in, you

1861
01:38:26,240 --> 01:38:28,720
know, conspiracy that he's like
a main suspect.

1862
01:38:29,520 --> 01:38:36,080
And as the days came along, they
found his parents, but they

1863
01:38:36,080 --> 01:38:43,040
didn't find him in one piece.
And that just, I, I still can't

1864
01:38:43,040 --> 01:38:46,240
believe it.
I, I still cannot like wrap my

1865
01:38:46,240 --> 01:38:50,960
head around it in our little
town, Plymouth, WI of 10,000

1866
01:38:50,960 --> 01:38:53,080
people.
This didn't happen in Plymouth,

1867
01:38:53,080 --> 01:38:54,640
but like, that's where we're all
from.

1868
01:38:54,720 --> 01:39:00,880
And like somebody that really
toyed with me that much mentally

1869
01:39:01,080 --> 01:39:04,800
and, but also like was on my
softer side of my heart too.

1870
01:39:04,800 --> 01:39:07,360
But that, you know, like we
just, we really went all sides

1871
01:39:07,360 --> 01:39:12,560
of the spectrum with my
relationship with him and I, I,

1872
01:39:13,080 --> 01:39:18,280
I never saw it coming despite
how vile he was towards me.

1873
01:39:18,280 --> 01:39:21,720
I never like looked at him and
like was ever like afraid for my

1874
01:39:21,720 --> 01:39:24,800
life type of thing.
You know, I never saw that

1875
01:39:25,240 --> 01:39:29,000
coming at all.
It just there was nothing that

1876
01:39:29,000 --> 01:39:33,560
pointed to that to me.
So I think that just ever since

1877
01:39:33,560 --> 01:39:36,880
then, just like, I mean, I've
healed from it now, but my

1878
01:39:36,880 --> 01:39:40,480
perspective towards men for a
long time was was messed up.

1879
01:39:40,480 --> 01:39:45,440
It's like, how can somebody be
so be one of my best friends And

1880
01:39:45,440 --> 01:39:49,720
then you have a crush on them
and you like them, whatever you

1881
01:39:49,720 --> 01:39:52,760
have that relationship.
Then you go to a relationship

1882
01:39:52,760 --> 01:39:56,520
where they make you hate
yourself and then you go to

1883
01:39:56,520 --> 01:39:59,040
that.
Like that was just a really.

1884
01:40:00,240 --> 01:40:01,680
I was, I was.
I was a mind.

1885
01:40:02,040 --> 01:40:03,040
That's a trip.
Yeah.

1886
01:40:03,640 --> 01:40:05,880
There's such an important lesson
in that, though.

1887
01:40:05,920 --> 01:40:10,720
In in often times it's what we
overlook when people's actions

1888
01:40:10,720 --> 01:40:15,440
towards us hurt us.
Yeah, we overlook that very,

1889
01:40:15,440 --> 01:40:17,640
very seldomly.
Is it actually about us.

1890
01:40:18,000 --> 01:40:21,520
Yeah, it's about them.
And, and it wasn't until one of

1891
01:40:21,520 --> 01:40:25,000
my girlfriends who also had a
girl and then had a boy and I

1892
01:40:25,000 --> 01:40:27,680
was telling her my feelings, I'm
like, I'm really having trouble

1893
01:40:27,680 --> 01:40:30,400
like feeling connected to this
baby.

1894
01:40:30,400 --> 01:40:34,360
Like I like didn't have gender
disappointment, but I felt I

1895
01:40:34,360 --> 01:40:37,320
didn't feel the same as I did
with my daughter.

1896
01:40:37,320 --> 01:40:38,520
Like it's just different, you
know?

1897
01:40:38,520 --> 01:40:41,240
And I can't compare 2
pregnancies, but I just, I felt

1898
01:40:41,240 --> 01:40:44,560
different.
And when she told me that she

1899
01:40:44,560 --> 01:40:50,640
had trauma with a male in her
life, it clicked for me.

1900
01:40:50,640 --> 01:40:55,160
And I'm like, that's what is
making me feel some type of way

1901
01:40:55,640 --> 01:40:58,920
is I never really like until I
met my husband.

1902
01:40:58,920 --> 01:41:05,160
Like my perception of men was so
messed up, you know, like, and I

1903
01:41:05,160 --> 01:41:07,600
until she said that like that
was my moment where I was like,

1904
01:41:07,600 --> 01:41:08,680
Oh my God.
Yeah.

1905
01:41:08,680 --> 01:41:12,000
Like that's.
And I kind of buried it when it

1906
01:41:12,000 --> 01:41:13,600
happened.
I never dealt with it like.

1907
01:41:13,880 --> 01:41:17,480
Yeah, who wants to?
Well, and it's maybe people

1908
01:41:17,480 --> 01:41:19,440
listening to this will even be
surprised by me saying this

1909
01:41:19,440 --> 01:41:22,640
because it's not something that
I talked about that I ever

1910
01:41:22,640 --> 01:41:25,760
struggled with.
But like, it's, I mean, this is,

1911
01:41:26,080 --> 01:41:27,720
you know, I was with this
person.

1912
01:41:27,720 --> 01:41:29,680
He was in my life for a long
time.

1913
01:41:29,680 --> 01:41:32,720
Not that I was with him, but
like, he's a part of my life and

1914
01:41:32,720 --> 01:41:34,320
he was a part of my it's.
Part of your story.

1915
01:41:34,400 --> 01:41:37,280
Part of my story, and yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.

1916
01:41:37,280 --> 01:41:40,120
And that can easily get tied to
a lot of different things.

1917
01:41:40,120 --> 01:41:43,800
It can get tied to gender, it
can get it can get tied to

1918
01:41:43,800 --> 01:41:49,080
culture, it can get tied to age
1,000,000 different things like

1919
01:41:49,080 --> 01:41:52,560
trauma does wild stuff to our
brain and and and how.

1920
01:41:52,840 --> 01:41:57,440
It's almost denial to like it,
it it forms like a like sense of

1921
01:41:57,440 --> 01:42:00,360
denial within you.
Like it's, it's hard to like

1922
01:42:00,360 --> 01:42:05,760
almost admit that I had that
like trauma bond with yeah, men

1923
01:42:05,840 --> 01:42:08,680
in that way.
Like I'm never like the type of

1924
01:42:08,680 --> 01:42:11,640
person to be like a like I'm
trying to like make myself the

1925
01:42:11,640 --> 01:42:16,280
victim or anything like that.
But like that mindset shift of

1926
01:42:16,600 --> 01:42:20,600
it's not me, it was somebody
else really helped me like

1927
01:42:21,360 --> 01:42:24,640
connect to this baby in ways
that I probably wouldn't have

1928
01:42:24,640 --> 01:42:26,680
unless my girlfriend wouldn't
have said that, if that makes

1929
01:42:26,680 --> 01:42:27,560
sense.
For sure.

1930
01:42:27,920 --> 01:42:32,360
It was just, I needed to hear it
and I've worked on it

1931
01:42:33,120 --> 01:42:37,560
independently since hearing it.
And I, I look at how I'm going

1932
01:42:37,560 --> 01:42:43,160
to raise him so much differently
after resurfacing that part of

1933
01:42:43,160 --> 01:42:46,240
my story that I kind of just, I
wrote him a letter in therapy

1934
01:42:46,240 --> 01:42:47,800
and then that was it.
And then he showed up on the

1935
01:42:47,800 --> 01:42:50,360
news 10 years later like it, I
never dealt with it.

1936
01:42:50,440 --> 01:42:51,840
I just wrote him a letter and
that was it.

1937
01:42:52,200 --> 01:42:57,640
You know, and I, I really look
at it so much differently now.

1938
01:42:57,640 --> 01:43:02,040
And I don't take being a boy mom
light because it's, it's a huge

1939
01:43:02,040 --> 01:43:03,600
responsibility.
I mean, being a parent, it's a

1940
01:43:03,600 --> 01:43:07,240
huge responsibility.
But just seeing the different

1941
01:43:07,600 --> 01:43:10,320
roles and connections that it
has, you know?

1942
01:43:11,320 --> 01:43:16,720
Yeah, absolutely.
And I I think the, I mean,

1943
01:43:17,080 --> 01:43:19,320
there's a, there's a lot of
things to say about it.

1944
01:43:19,320 --> 01:43:31,160
You you like we tie our internal
feelings to external things that

1945
01:43:31,160 --> 01:43:33,360
have happened, right?
That's the connection we make in

1946
01:43:33,360 --> 01:43:35,920
life and we can't that's
unavoidable.

1947
01:43:36,560 --> 01:43:42,480
You're going to do it.
But like, at the same time, we

1948
01:43:42,480 --> 01:43:49,480
have to give ourself grace to
understand that like, OK,

1949
01:43:49,880 --> 01:43:55,400
whatever person did me wrong.
Is it like especially in these

1950
01:43:55,400 --> 01:43:57,760
ways where it was like someone
doing something to you

1951
01:43:57,760 --> 01:44:00,800
repeatedly over a very tough
period in life that is almost

1952
01:44:00,800 --> 01:44:04,440
like pushing you down the path
of self destruction?

1953
01:44:05,080 --> 01:44:09,360
Like that person is probably
dealing with something that

1954
01:44:09,360 --> 01:44:13,360
they're putting off their
thoughts by doing this, you

1955
01:44:13,360 --> 01:44:15,320
know?
And that's, I think that's where

1956
01:44:15,320 --> 01:44:17,520
the heaviness comes in that
you're talking about because

1957
01:44:18,000 --> 01:44:22,400
both both sides of the gender
aisle, I have it, it comes out

1958
01:44:22,400 --> 01:44:26,280
in different ways, you know, And
it's in this instance, this is

1959
01:44:26,280 --> 01:44:28,760
one of the ways that it's more
apt to come out in a male than a

1960
01:44:28,760 --> 01:44:31,840
female of just like straight up
axe murder and his parents, you

1961
01:44:31,840 --> 01:44:39,400
know, and that's scary.
And I think I can't wait to talk

1962
01:44:39,400 --> 01:44:42,520
with you when we cross paths
again after your son is born,

1963
01:44:43,080 --> 01:44:47,240
because I think a lot of like,
the thoughts at this time, they

1964
01:44:47,240 --> 01:44:49,920
have to be internalized, right?
Because it hasn't been brought

1965
01:44:49,920 --> 01:44:52,160
to actualization.
Like, he's not out.

1966
01:44:52,480 --> 01:44:54,640
It's like, Oh my goodness, this
is all.

1967
01:44:54,960 --> 01:44:58,840
I keep peace in the fact that I
know that like when he's put in

1968
01:44:58,840 --> 01:45:01,920
my arms, everything will make
sense and he's just was that

1969
01:45:01,920 --> 01:45:03,680
missing piece that I always
needed.

1970
01:45:03,960 --> 01:45:09,400
So I I feel like relief and
reassurance in that, but I also

1971
01:45:09,400 --> 01:45:13,080
still carry some guilt for not
having like like that said

1972
01:45:13,080 --> 01:45:15,320
connection the entire.
Oh, the immediate feeling.

1973
01:45:15,320 --> 01:45:17,600
Yeah, yeah.
But I think it's, I can't

1974
01:45:17,600 --> 01:45:21,520
compare, you know, 1 to 2.
And it's, it's different, but

1975
01:45:21,520 --> 01:45:25,120
it's pulled out different parts
of me that I've had to work on

1976
01:45:25,120 --> 01:45:27,920
in the last eight months or so
that I probably wouldn't have

1977
01:45:27,920 --> 01:45:30,600
had to tap into with my
daughter, you know?

1978
01:45:30,600 --> 01:45:33,640
So it's just just as wild things
to you?

1979
01:45:34,040 --> 01:45:36,720
You know what the cool part
about it is, though, is that

1980
01:45:37,560 --> 01:45:41,440
your willingness to lay and, and
like ability to reflect on that

1981
01:45:41,440 --> 01:45:43,480
and spend time on it and work on
it.

1982
01:45:43,840 --> 01:45:46,760
Like you're so far for us, so
many people in the world who

1983
01:45:46,760 --> 01:45:49,360
just like compartmentalize and
just like, you know.

1984
01:45:49,440 --> 01:45:52,440
Well, I have before and look
where it's got me, you know, and

1985
01:45:52,600 --> 01:45:55,640
almost into the ground.
So yeah, I've learned to not

1986
01:45:55,840 --> 01:45:58,240
compartmentalize because works
for some people, but doesn't

1987
01:45:58,240 --> 01:46:00,400
work for me.
Yeah, self-destructive behavior.

1988
01:46:00,400 --> 01:46:02,720
So not probably not great,
right?

1989
01:46:03,320 --> 01:46:04,800
Right.
It was awesome.

1990
01:46:04,800 --> 01:46:06,240
Chad with you.
Yes, you too.

1991
01:46:06,240 --> 01:46:08,280
Appreciate you taking the time.
My word vomit.

1992
01:46:08,280 --> 01:46:11,240
All of it.
But that's how we find the best.

1993
01:46:11,240 --> 01:46:14,400
Rabbit holes, definitely, yeah.
I appreciate you reaching out I.

1994
01:46:14,400 --> 01:46:16,000
Appreciate you too.
Thank you.

1995
01:46:16,000 --> 01:46:17,720
Good job.
Good job on your initial pitch.

1996
01:46:17,720 --> 01:46:21,800
I'm glad it turned into this.
Me too, and best of luck as you

1997
01:46:21,800 --> 01:46:23,360
move forward.
Thank you so much.

1998
01:46:23,440 --> 01:46:23,880
Thank you.